Wednesday, December 30, 2009

You can't bring me down

Even if you fucking betray me.

Fuck you.
'nuff said


Monday, December 28, 2009

Ghaza, honestly?

As sad as I feel when I consider what has happened to them last year, and as pissed of I am at the Zionist movement, I think it is a load of crap that people care.

If you care do something.

And this is my share.

It's a load of shit.

"aww you gaiz gazza is so screwed im so sadz bawzzz"
"totally, all those people dying"
"i saw one picking his nose"
"lets follow fashion and not do anethn"
"eww who picks there no'z"
"no idia ugh"

Full of crap.

Nobody cares anymore.

Let's give a fuck, fuckers.

You don't give a fuck.
Truth is that half of humans don't care about much other than themselves.
Also, Jordanians are only worrying about themselves, and Ghaza is nothing but a subject to talk about while fighting the fight.

Half the people here are occupied by their own well-being since they're REALLY ACTUALLY screwed.
The others just don't give a fuck because they actually are okay and don't care.

What WOULD they do?

What CAN they do anyway?

It's a load of crap.

Hell nobody even cares to read the boring stuff about Palestine right?

Let's give a damn and at least do our part. That's what I think.

I mean we all say we're touched and then not do anything about it (I meant to exaggerate).

Seems like the only way that people would care about doing anything about it is if it had subliminal sexual images involved in it, or if it was fashionable.

Maybe it's the bigger political plan.

Like anyone gives a fuck. As long as they're okay, they don't care.

The vanity of humans.
Fuck you.

Have a nice day.

"zomg im so tuchd rllyyyyy"
"yaaaa me tuuu"
"awwwzzz oh well let's be mainstream and be cool and thnk abt sex"
"yaa totally, it sells and we're brainwashed by it, lets notz care"
"IZ LOVEZ tht!"
"woooz ahaha!"
"yalla nwalle3 ishya wo nitfa7lan?"

Saturday, December 26, 2009

My 300th post


Lol Shadi Shadi xD

In other news...

Okay so New Year's is close right? RIGHT!

Forget that resolution thing, I don't do that stuff.

But here's the stuff!

I love myself, I miss the pissed-off-at-the-world-and-every-living-and-loving-thing me. It's just something the world has to see. To understand myself, I had to see myself in love and then compare that to "me". I guess the anger and weird horribly gory imagery in me is part of who I am, and it's just something people have to accept if they know me. I am almost depressed at times, completely hyper at other times, vandilzing at others, angry at other times, pissed at everything, out of my own control in other times, crazy in times, completely anti-social in other times, fucked up and a tad psyhotic in other times.
It's who I am I guess. All of those.
Schizophrenia (however the hell you spell that) has got nothing on who I am.

I have design to do.

Some good friends of mine are back from abroad, and my mind still somehow finds itself busy with certain stuff and distractions.

I am who I am.

I LOVE random things happening! Today some people came up to me and Shadi and asked "can I touch your hair" hahahaahah
Well go fucking figure, they got to touch "the hair" and it was a bunch of random friends we got to meet.
I love rainbow street.

I love life sometimes.

over 9000)
I hate life sometimes.

I love me sometimes.

I hate me sometimes.

I realized, that if anyone is to accept me, they have to see the dorky, fucked up, anti-dance, anti-common-life, anti-humanity side of me. And if I have to lie in order to satisfy someone who I love, then I have given up on the dream of "love" and I shall live in seclusion to the end of my life in order to change the world and screw humanity over to show them what they are missing.

Merry FUCKING Christmas.


Hopefully all goes well in the future.

Good night, whoever reads my blog.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

"Cheers to the nights we won't remember and the friends we won't forget"


Tuesday, December 15, 2009

This blog is clearly dead

but I don't give a unicorn's cock.

Good song...

My Immortal, by Evanescence

The lyrics are in the video discription.

Inconsistency is a trait of this blog, isn't it?

Well well well...


Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @



I'm up working and I got a concept and I'm about to get a form and it's kicking ass and I analyzed and I think it's gonna go well but I'm still scared shitless (well not shitless, it might go well coz I'm awesome), and I'm proud of myself and I am working like a coke-pumped hooker all night long!


No history midterm take-home paper

(though shame on you bloggers, been a while since a good post came around, from my part and yours)



Coz I have to design and the professor can go suck a carrot! I'm gonna miss class and hope for the best, coz I'm screwed anyway. Better to miss class and get a good design grade.

Hopefully I'll still pass history III .... >.>

Okay I'm really just gonna go work.

Bai "bloggers"



Monday, December 14, 2009

Wiskey pwns Vodka

It just does lulz :D

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Remedy Lane

Pain of Salvation is one THE BEST bands ever.

So much depth, so much truth, such variety!

So Remedy Lane is an album by them, it's amazing, and if you look at the lyrics it really shows a lot of depth. Everything just lies chronologically and tells a story in this album.

So this is an instrumental track. No lyrics, but this is the idea behind it.

Amazing, powerful album.


10. Dryad Of The Woods

"Then came a girl
A dryad of the woods
with a sing over her door saying
"If you enter
You must forgive me everything!"
With a heart too big and brave
To let me dissapear
And still I hear
"May I sleep at your feet?"
And so she went over my fence
And reached out a hand
That I had to take
That I just had to take
never let me
lose that love
never let me
lose that love
never let me
lose that love

Sometimes, forgiving will
just take you one step too far
and you find yourself on Remedy Lane

Sometimes forgiving is too much
like self abuse

Sometimes forgiving leaves
too much sear tissue behind

Even if I could one day learn
to forgive you everything
Could I learn to forgive myself?

I simply
the full
notion of
the world

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Oh Godess...

I love myself, oh Earth Mother...
I know myself...

They don't know me...

They don't understand...

I thought someone did... but, Mother, I guess we all just wait to be accepted...

We are all just hypocrites... and nobody heeds the dying voices of life... of love... of children...

Still it remains, Mother....

My words are not heeded....

My signs are ignored because I, myself, do not choose to directly deal with it... due to the fear of loss...

I can't do it.... I can't....

Why does it feel like everything is collapsing....

Oh mother show me the truth... Light my path...

Guide me... please...

I can't help but feel helpless at this point... once again... after a day of refraining from being a complete ruin of human remains... once again I die...

A million deaths...

Oh mother a million deaths... each more painful than the previous... again and again...

Help me... I'm on my knees... begging to be let back into the ignorant heaven I once belonged to...

Begging to have one pure image of something... rather than complete chaos and disbelief in everything...

And my cries are ignored... my plea is ignored...

People who don't care are who I need...

Nothing pure remains... nothing... my art is tainted with the pain inside me... and I cannot lie anymore hoping that people don't see me as pathetic anymore...

I can't lie... I can't say that I don't care...

Oh Mother please save me... heal me... please...


And the world looks down at me for my honesty...

Honesty is a virtue since nobody is honest anymore...

You want me to go I'll go.... but for the love of the Earth and Heavens... Let me breathe...

Why am I dying, Mother...
Thy earth would sink in my tears...
Thy heart would suffocate in my blood...
Thy caves would collapse due to my scream's pain...
Thy children would die feeling what I feel...

I am numb with pain... begging that she'd let me go, Mother...

Not a whisper from her mouth, Mother...
Not a word of relief... be it the word in harshness of truth or the soothing love of hearts...

And my words are nothing but insane rambles to a human so taken by humanity...

Why am I so hurt...
Why am I still so unable to express...
Why do my questions end with dots rather than question marks...
Why does my heart pump into anything but my own veins...
Why does my heart beat so quickly with my mind ignoring ideas of everything, Mother...

Tell me...

Let me breathe... Please be honest to me, Mother...
You are the only honest one...

A child in my heart, I am... and all I feel is pain...

A child still shocked by the most cruel of worlds, Mother...

My heart is still not fluorished... why do they use it, Mother...

Why do they teach us to be something that only weakens us, Mother...

Why did I believe in another being when I believed in none but you, Mother...
I believe it was my being desperate for acceptance...

And I left you behind, Mother...

Just when they left me behind... I realized how I left you behind... ignoring what you gave me...
Like a one-man show of human evolution of thought...

In one day, Mother, I have experienced the pain and pleasure of living...

Oh Mother, it is excruciating...

All that I have, Mother...

They don't understand, Mother...

The brutal truth has taken brutal form... and the brutal form has taken brutal vengeance upon me...

Is it the truth, Mother...
Is this the truth...

Are all my beliefs to be flushed away...?

I will not be taken by them, Mother...

I am a servant of you... and let them all be the bastards that they are...

Let them all kick me only when I am down...

They all just kick you when you are down...

All of them...

Every single one...

In a shallow heaven in your depths, Mother, they are... They make it and spit on us all...

Who do they think they are...

Why am I so hurt...

They drain me, Mother...

Recklessly... brutally...

As soon as I give, they take my soul, Mother...

Beliefs are nothing... and it looks like we all have to follow another non-giver cunt of a god in order to survive...

Looks like I will not survive but rather die with you...

And one day I will get strong again, on my feet, after my agony of awakening from my wonderful sleep...
And they will return begging at my feet...

I will kick them in the teeth, watch them bleed and watch them die... I will take balance into my own hands... My own fists...

Their drainage will not go unpunished, Mother...

And they will only focus on the person saying the message, rather than looking at the actual message...

And I will be called a crazy person... and they will fear me rather than hear my words...

It has happened...

And it will happen again...

They will always misunderstand me...
And never will they hear my words unless I am supported by their shallow materialism, Mother...

Sweet dreams...

Have some mercy... Set me free and be honest...

Why can't we just talk straight to eachother's faces, fellow humans...?

As soon as one negativity is shown, they focus on it... Rather than listen...

Rather than look at the wonder that was able to actually survive...

I have experienced captivity, crime, death, revival in my life from the sanctuary of my own home and country...

Why do they choose to see the negatives, Mother...



I ask the entire world why, indirectly and directly, to be let down by many ways...

Not a single answer...

Only the sound of myself being ignored and trying to be nice enough to not kill their joy in feeling better than me...

They aren't...

They'll see...

Save me...

And instead of emotions they see insanity...

Emotions are nothing but ill-logic and miscalculations... And everything that involves reality is real rather than metaphorical...

Heal me...

Tuesday, December 8, 2009


I did NOT expect this... ever.

It's just such an amazing cover, such an amazing version.

Great lyrics...

Just brought tears to my eyes.


In the night I hear 'em talk, the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul
To a woman so heartless
How could you be so heartless?
How could you be so heartless?

How could you be so cold?
As the winter wind when it breeze yo
Just remember that you talkin' to me though
You need to watch the way you talkin' to me though

I mean after all the things that we've been through
I mean after all the things we got into
Hey yo, I know of some things that you ain't told me
Hey yo, I did some things but that's the old me

And now you wanna get me back and you gon' show me
So you walk around like you don't know me
You got a new friend, well I got homies
But in the end it's still so lonely

In the night I hear 'em talk, the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul
To a woman so heartless
How could you be so heartless?
How could you be so heartless?

How could be so Dr. Evil?
You're bringin' out a side of me that I don't know
I decided we wasn't goin' speak so
Why we up 3 a.m. on the phone?

Why does she be so mad at me for?
Homie, I don't know, she's hot and cold
I won't stop, won't mess my groove up
'Cause I already know how this thing go

You run and tell your friends that you're leavin' me
They say that they don't see what you see in me
You wait a couple months then you gon' see
You'll never find nobody better than me

In the night I hear 'em talk, the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul
To a woman so heartless
How could you be so heartless?
How could you be so heartless?

Talkin', talkin', talkin' talk
Baby let's just knock it off
They don't know what we been through
They don't know 'bout me and you

So I got somethin' new to see
And you just gon' keep hatin' me
And we just gon' be enemies

I know you can't believe
I could just leave it wrong
And you can't make it right
I'm gon' take off tonight
Into the night

In the night I hear 'em talk, the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul
To a woman so heartless
How could you be so heartless?
How could you be so heartless?

... Yeah...

Worth the pain, isn't it...?

It is for me. Some songs just do that...

I still want it all... every part of it...

EDIT: (No pun intended on last line)


If you're reading this know that you are a human.

You can think of this as an abstract piece of art.

Let's in-fucking-spire!

*breaks things and breaks out of the human shell killing the human within*

I don't wanna grow up.


You wanna go? GO 3a aiiiiriiiii :D

confusion confusion

*things breaking*

*guitar shredding and wailing*

Is it just me but do people suck cock lately? I mean I know it's a fad and all the kool kats are doing it but lawd whai?





The moment you know when someone is faking or lying, you know them





Why do we all want lies...?

Coz lies are human, and lies are what everything is, lies lies lies, we want all that shit and crap.




You know it makes you feel special when nobody comments, coz now you know that nobody thinks like you.

All fucking humans are the same.

Exactly the same.

You fucking puppets.

Do I depress you? FUCK YOU, TOO!


Don't act like you're not used to this.



nothing comes out of nowhere, there's a root for all crappy songs you talk about.

I am sick and fucking tired.

Things have never been so swell, I have never failed to feel.

You know, you're right!



This is a free zone, let's see you take it normally and talk.


People are fascinated and "in love" with misfigured figures, then they get close and feel and scupper away.
People get close and fail to see art rather than reality.

Enjoy my art

Humans, humans...

I'm not negative you're just FUCKING FUCK!

Let's all suck things up like we're meant to do...

Let's just do that...

Just do that...

Do that...




You know you're right...
You want that to be true...? So it is...
Looked for it and found it...

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Don't feel like sleeping

Yeah I just don't feel like sleeping.

Well I have design to do, and oh a test to study for.

But my design work is incomplete I've just been procrastinating and not feeling like working, man. -.-

GOD procrastination is such a fucked up habit. Waking up at 8 tomorrow probably, it's 2:33am... oh nevermind... 2:34 at the beep.


Imti7aan ta3rees history of architecture with the lazy (yet kinda good) teacher, and design concept tasleem bokra.

Design concept: kinda complete.

History exam: didn't study anything min il 3aj2a and design :\

After tomorrow, (Monday) I have a speech for English (good thing I actually wrote it already, man I would have never written a thing), and a German presentation (with the teacher being a pain in the ass due to him wanting us to be more organized and give handouts and stuff like that)

Fuck that, thinking of telling the German teacher to just bite me, I don't want the damn 10 marks, I haven't slept well in a while.

I feel too distracted.

I have been posting too much lately, batfashhash I think lol

Meh fucking crap I'm so beat yet I don't feel like sleeping. It fucking sucks how ALL OF A FUCKING SUDDEN IT'S GANG-RAPE STUDENTS TIME!!!

My GOD just 2 weeks you get fucked, then the other time you're okay.

for the lulz

I miss working in a group :\ it kinda motivated me to study more.

I miss having nothing on my mind.

I miss sleeping soooo fucking much right now.

I miss listening to music and doing nothing else.

I miss enjoying being on vacation rather than feeling bored and pointless.
Funny how when you procrastinate, it doesn't feel like you're not doing anything, it's like an actual chore or something.

I miss getting shitfaced drunk, not throwing up, having a kick-ass time, and laughing my tears out.

I miss playing Sonic the Hedgehog as a kid.

I miss playing with a dog.

I miss not knowing anything.

I miss the fucked up weird baths my grandma used to give me with that very ROUGH loofa that would make your skin go red.

I miss enjoying giving anyone for no reason, rather than being spiteful.

I miss drinking with my friends.

I miss winning in DotA.

I miss enjoying Disney movies.

I miss not thinking too much about everything.

I miss enjoying things.

I miss having relatives.

I miss the 3aj2a of a family.

I miss when my family used to be close to us rather than being cunts.

I miss giving a fuck about my relatives.

I miss not giving a fuck about anyone at all.

I miss playing drums real bad.

I miss being a good student.

I miss being one of the best.

I miss getting excited about football (as in soccer).

I miss getting excited about the american football back in school when some guy used to get it.

I miss not stressing over everything.

I miss letting things go.

I miss not getting disturbed by simple things.

I miss not knowing anything about Freud's ideas.

I miss knowing exactly what I believe in.

I miss pure creativity and art (I'm so glad I have you Maul).

I miss crying.

I miss taking a stand.

I miss living for the day.

I miss not knowing what growing up is.

Oh wow I really miss sleep.

Also water... brb...

back :D

I saw Abidal's niece today! :D

She smiled! It's so fucking cute! She's less than a week old I think :)

Supposedly babies like some people's voices and are bothered by others' :D


Babies are so cute xD

I think babies bring joy because they're still not tainted by anything. And you rarely find that.

I miss drinking with Eemad xD

I miss drinking with Chim

I miss drinking with a bunch of people I'm really comfortable with who I know accept me.

I miss hating the world enough such that I was myself fully, and didn't care about anyone.

Maybe there's this duality:
You either love yourself enough to not care, or you hate the world enough to not care.

I love myself.

... but something is missing :\

I am not complete.

I like having random conversations with complete strangers. Man Gloria Jean's really allows for that. Half the people there are like architects or something.

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I MISS? COMMENTS!! Yil3an abul yahood (zOMG Yahoo is actually Yahood, it's a conspiracy)

I miss laughing at my own jokes.

I miss making good jokes.

I miss my written words coming out of my mouth.

Meh meh meh...

Good night, mortals.

Saturday, December 5, 2009


My heart is beating ferociously...
My hands quivering in anticipation...
Vengeance rumbles in my blood...
The anger begins to rage...
No bargaining for the abusive...
A tool lays swiftly in my hands, embedded in the shivers within...
My hands caress the body...
My fingers caress the steel...
My body pulls it closer, reeling in for the kill...
I tease it, feeling its moans, letting my hands get a feel...
I grip its neck violently; not to kill but to heal...
My hand strokes its own finger, connecting itself with the skin...
I strum the body gently, caressing its voice...
Bending its skin gently and harshly, and shredding, and pinching...
Making it scream and squeal...
I lay my head back and enjoy the sound of my agony ripping out...
Turning things up, it gets louder, letting out the smoke within...
Like a chimney screaming the stench it holds, I scream out the pain that dwells...
Softening up sounds as I hold the root...
Staring into blankness ahead...
I hold it tight and put my finger down, letting myself hold still...
Exhausted and wrenched, spit out and drenched, the air is thick with "why..."
I let out my soul and unlock myself, your voice rips through those ears of mine...
My drums vibrate, and no words can dictate, the pain let out in blues...
I have succumbed to ideas of a fool, oh, the lies I see in the words...
Like death on a spree, and madmen set free, you have unleashed my disease...
Truth in a cage, broken by hope, the feelings still caress me...
I talk through them sometimes, but they're nothing but limes on a wound...
A mask is put on, and so is a smile, I guess I'll just play along...
Mark my words, I will return, my memory shall not deceive...
Rambles and rambles, keeping up is the key, the truth is down on its knees...

I have written this to be open for interpretation. I hope to see what you think this is talking about. Let's see some comments, eh?

Have a good day :)

Friday, December 4, 2009



From the article:

A Long Island deli owner who held a robber at gunpoint, then let him go after giving him $40 and a loaf of bread, says he got an anonymous letter from the crook that included a $50 bill and a thank-you for saving him from a life of crime.

The mysterious writer apologized to his would-be victim, Mohammad Sohail, saying, "First of all I would like to say I am sorry at the time I had [no] money no food on the table no job and nothing for my family."

Similar to comments he made on his knees during the incident last May, he said he realized that trying to rob the store with a baseball bat "was wrong but I had [no] choice. I needed to feed my family."

Truely amazing :)

Glad to see some people still have religion as a religion and not a political mannerless thing that kills people.

This is how I remember religion.
I still would rather not be involved in any, but religious people like that are what keeps a good image of all religions.

I have hope in human beings once more. This really made my day. :)

Have a good day.

Time: The Beginning

Una vez fuiste mis amigo
Ahora se que no puedo atar tus manos

Good song, excuse the drama.

For fuck's sake....

My head just might explode...

My god SHUT UP, LADY!!!

Ugs are ugly

Ugs as in "uglies"

Ugs as in "UGH, what the fuck IS that thing!?!?!?!!?"

Now fuck off!! I don't wanna listen to a crappy song about a party, I wanna listen to some nice soft song that doesn't involve sex appeal, love, nor any other fucked up thingy.

OH and listening to a part of a song, then rewinding, and hearing it again, thne waiting for it to go further, then rewinding the song fro mthe beginning DOES NOT MAKE PEOPLE LOVE THE SONG

God-rape-it just shut the damn annoying song off! B3ARD IL NAWARR!~!!!

This is like fucking brainwash. You like it, I don't. Let's find a compromise (how comprimise? 3a teezi).

I hate music that sounds like that, I don't feel like listening to it, and I said so, so have a bit of some fucking consideration!

Now let me enjoy my night.

Sunday, November 29, 2009


Black by Pearl Jam

Live version (much better... much more expressive...)




Great song...

All I can say...


Lyrics are in the vid...


"Once divided, nothing left to subtract..."
-Nothingman, Pearl Jam

Saturday, November 28, 2009


Only in here. Only in this place do we have to label every vice a ‘disease.’ Only here are all our hobbies suspiciously probed until we can figure out a way to classify them as an ‘affliction.’ Are we so reluctant to admit to any sort of personal responsibility or decision making capability that they can’t even enjoy a glass a wine with dinner without wondering if they should seek treatment? The whole concept of functioning alcoholism is garbage. Functioning alcoholic equals not a alcoholic.

- Sourced

Could not agree more. So what if I have a vice, if you're doing okay, you ARE okay. No matter how much you drink, if it's not ruining your life, you're okay.
No matter how much you work, fuck, jack-off, watch porn, kiss ass, strip, sniff glue, vandalize... it's all good. Just don't screw your life over.

People comment on everything.

Also, I wanna try weed.

And you just lost the game.

Territorial Pissings

Oh fuck tagging I don't feel like it.

I'm a downer and yeahhh

Territorial Pissings by Nirvana


Come on people now smile on your brother everybody get together, try TO love one another right now

When I was an alien
Cultures weren't opinions

Gotta find a way ,find a way, when I'm there
Gotta find a way ,a better way, a better way

Never met a wise man
If so it's a woman

Gotta find a way , find a way, when I'm there
Gotta find a way ,a better way, a better way (x2)

Just because you're paranoid
Don’t mean they're not after you

Gotta find a way ,find a way, when I'm there
Gotta find a way ,a better way, a better way (x2)

Life is liiiifffeeee xD

Ignorance is bliss

... it is.

See post previous to this one.

Lies lies lies lies...

I dunno but I've been told.
People die and become cold.
I know it's real but I believe.
Death is not but a relief.

Mind is fighting my own heart.
We are mammals; just a part.
There ain't no head it's just we.
Wishing that there's humanity.

Well fuck me running!

Friday, November 27, 2009


(Please note that this post is unaffected by real-life events of the author)

What you can't have you will always want.

That's life.

And life ain't fair.

As long as Nature doesn't brood over the loss of Nature, there will always be slave and there will always be king.
- Gaahl

Gaahl you know the world better than anyone.

We are meant to be machines just like animals.
Maybe love doesn't exist, it is made.

Lust and love are usually confused together, then you can't have that which you lust over, so you want it more and call it love, coz it literally makes you feel something, probably coz you're horny and your human nature wants that someone.

... but is it true?

I don't know.

Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't.

However, I could swear I felt love and lust at the same time towards someone. I really did.

People are strange.
-Jimmy Morrison (Song: People are Strange)

Life is weird.

Love is like a clusterfuck of materialism, lust, and human desire.

Nobody knows what love is.

... and nobody ever will.

Just live.

Life is a lie.

Life is lie with an "f".

Life is a lie with a fuck.

Just like diet is "die" and "it" put together.

But I think it all depends on the person.

Funny humans; such gullable creatures.

I think that we love to imagine things to avoid depressing ourselves over the true nature of life.

Then you fall for the belief, and it feels amazing.

But is it real...?

I'm just gonna live and find out.

Awesome idea is that this blog will survive as long as I live, and we will witness the changes of how I think as I grow up and see the world.

Thursday, November 26, 2009


1) Life sucks.

2) People suck.

3) People are liars.

4) People say stuff just to get you to feel better when it's all full of crap, just like when you were a kid.

5) Eid sucks testicles.

6) I am really really fucking bored here.

7) My body is aching due to the fast walk thingy and I can barely move and I don't think I wanna do something today :\

8) Fuck you.

9) Fuck you.

10) What to do what to do...

11) Fuck you more.

12) I love sarcasm.

13) I love dark sarcasm that seems to be talking about normal stuff, when deep inside it's referring to a million stuff that would offend people.

14) I love alcohol.

15) I love smoking, but I might be quitting smoking sometime soon, but I would still smoke when I drink.

16) No idea if I should even keep smoking, I personally don't mind the side effects much.

17) I am in denial I think.

18) Things hit you when you remember how you were.

19) I love being immature, take it or leave it.

20) People (each and every one of them) are selfish.

21) It takes a REALLLLYYY long time to know people, no matter how much you knew them for.

22) I like boats.

23) Lots and lots of boats.

24) Ramble ramble ramble.

25) I love heavy metal.

26) I love being different.

27) I am proud of who I am, but it sucks how things can really be when you feel REALLLY good.

28) People are stronger on their own I believe, but they would have nothing to live for.

29) People are so full of shit you have no idea...

30) "Who wants to live forever" is an epic EPIC song by Queen.

Read those lyrics.

There's no time for us
There's no place for us
What is this thing that builds our dreams yet slips away
from us

Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever....?

There's no chance for us
It's all decided for us
This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us

Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever?

Who dares to love forever?
When love must die

But touch my tears with your lips
Touch my world with your fingertips
And we can have forever
And we can love forever
Forever is our today
Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever?
Forever is our today

Who waits forever anyway?

31) Enjoy number 30.

32) "Weakness" is also an awesome song, by Opeth. But I'll post it later.

33) I think I'm gonna start promoting my blog, seriously it sucks talking to YOURSELF THE ENTIRE TIME!

34) Communication in one direction sucks.

35) How much does a boat cost...?

36) So much to say so much time to say it, go figure, ran out of stuff to say just now.


Looks like my blog is gonna be spamming with posts this holiday, let's say things take turns when you least expect them.

I just hate eid, I don't like going to see my fucking aunt -.-

Oh and most probably when we go visit her this time one cousin of mine is gonna be there with whom we had a bit of a problem a while back.

Don't you just love family?

Isn't it ironic how people are half the time better when you stay away from them? Go figure. Hell even me probably.

But the reason I'm saying that is coz the whole cousin problem started this ONE TIME I agreed to have quality time with that cousin. Well then things happened.

Another eid thought for you cunts, Muslims sacrifice sheep, which supposedly Stanists do. Now what does that say?

Btw Satanism apparently doesn't have anything to do with slaughtering animals as sacrifice, but of course there are always extremists. Go figure.

Well have a joyfully boring eid everyone, get stuffed with bad food and cheap chocolate and that coffee stuff.

Enjoy the slaughter :D

Fast walk

Hey fast walk I'm happy for you and I'mma let you finish, but jesus walks was the best walk of all time. OF ALL TIME!!



Fast walk is such epic win, it makes your muscles hurt.

Didn't think it would be so awesome, and it's well-organized and stuff.

However, Farah and Abidal ended up having a fight coz of Abidal having to pee lol, so we ended up being late after Abidal stormed out of the car and stuff hahaha. My god you guys -.-

But yeah we got there a bit late and started walking thinking about how we're gonna catch up with them, and we eventually did.

It's an awesome experience I think I'm going to become a regular for it.

Oh and one thing, don't EVER wear converse shoes to walk! EVAR!!!!

I felt blisters half the time while walking, but that's what made the whole walk more pleasurable. Bearing the pain, and seeing how strong you are while walking. Not letting the pain stop you, and controlling how you walk so that you wouldn't get a stiff muscle >.>

I was quite proud of myself as a smoker, since I was able to keep up and stay close to the front of the fast walkers; even though I was out of shape and was scared of getting a stiff calf muscle since it happened before... a lot >.> ...

And it was amazing, and my body is in pain and I'm damn happy about it.

And I'm still smoking healthy BITCHES!!


That is all for now.

Il mafrood breakfast with Chimmie and Farah and stuff, but nobody called back -.-

I'm gonna go nag.

Bye non-existant readers! Pye!

Monday, November 23, 2009

I don't know me.

This is a bit of a typical childish poem, but I think I'm finding a keyhole.

When you don't know who you are...
People are further than far,
The lower you go, the lower you fall.

When you don't know who you are...
Words fail to amuse
Nothing sums up abuse.

When you don't know who you are...
Abuse is meaningless,
You believe you've done something that you haven't experienced.

When you don't know who you are...
You are your own violator,
And cries for help are kept for later.

When you don't know who you are...
You're missing things you've missed,
The joy of others gets you pissed.

When you don't know who you are...
You don't need drugs to be paranoid,
Humans look like Blastoise.

When you don't know who you are...
Comfort is a state of mind,
And your heart's perception is blind.

When you don't know who you are...
People get disgusted,
And they ignore you if you're busted.

When you don't know who you are...
You have to fight your own battles,
Because you had no time for rattles.

When you don't know who you are...
Admitting it is hard,
And you're the only one who's far.

When you don't know who you are...
Feelings are unattatched,
And you hurt a perfect match.

When you don't know who you are...
You're all on your own since nobody understands you,
And you don't understand either, so you can't talk, too.

When you don't know who you are...
Lies are in each corner for you to join and die,
Nobody can help you but you, no matter how much they try.

When you don't know who you are...
Wings are broken,
And angels lack emotion.

When you don't know who you are...
A heart with broken wings, in a nest,
It cries from afar, unable to rest.

When you don't know who you are...
Blame is a Russian roulette,
With 6 bullets loaded, and all is dead.

When you don't know who you are...
Feelings are unexplained,
Love remains detained.

When you don't know who you are...
You scream for attention,
But you're in detention.

When you don't know who you are...
You walk alone,
Nothing but a dead drone.

When you don't know who you are...
You're inable to get help,
A psycho for all, you're alone in hell.

When you don't know who you are...
You are a creep,
And all you can do is weep.


It's time for me to start to help myself find who I am.

I have nobody to drag down with me, I have no reason to hold back, yet I don't know where to start.

All Apologies to whom it may concern.

I think that I love alcohol because it started making me someone I like, because I don't know who I am, and I'm convinced it's me.

But how do I know it is?

I think I have bipolar disorder because I still don't know who I am, so many things seem out of character.

How do I find you...?
How am I gonna find me...?

Honesty is a trait... that's a start...

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Since I've Been Loving You


Led Zeppelin.... :)

Led Zeppelin's Since I've Been Loving You

One of the most touching songs ever :)

Lyrics (video is further below):

Working from seven to eleven every night,
It really makes life a drag, I don't think that's right.
I've really, really been the best of fools, I did what I could.
'Cause I love you, baby, How I love you, darling, How I love you, baby,
How I love you, girl, little girl.
But baby, Since I've Been Loving You. I'm about to lose my worried mind, oh, yeah.

Everybody trying to tell me that you didn't mean me no good.
I've been trying, Lord, let me tell you, Let me tell you I really did the best I could.
I've been working from seven to eleven every night, I said It kinda makes my life a drag.
Lord, that ain't right...
Since I've Been Loving You, I'm about to lose my worried mind.

Said I've been crying, my tears they fell like rain,
Don't you hear, Don't you hear them falling,
Don't you hear, Don't you hear them falling.

Do you remember mama, when I knocked upon your door?
I said you had the nerve to tell me you didn't want me no more, yeah
I open my front door, hear my back door slam,
You must have one of them new fangled back door man.

I've been working from seven, seven, seven, to eleven every night, It kinda makes my life a drag...
Baby, Since I've Been Loving You, I'm about to lose, I'm about lose to my worried mind.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Positive Vibrations

Hahah I mean what would you expect from a religion that considers smoking weed as a good thing? POSITIVE FUCKING VIBRATIONS!

It's a good day for uplift, baby!

This is for a good friend and a closer friend (rawr :P)

Chimmie I'm really happy for you two, man! SAKRA TODAY! :P Lofe you cuntface

Zena, don't let the stress bring you down! You have friends and blogger friends and more :P, nobody is gonna be a Smith nor lose anything.

This is to lift and to celebrate.

Positive FUCKING vibrations!

Ahhh reggae... :)

RIP Bob Marley

The lyrics are in the vid BY THE VAY!

So I'm gonna start classifying and tagging my posts, from this day forward.

Bye :)

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


Well I haven't blogged normally for a while >.>



I think we have such a bad idea about communism, for the reason of governments usually being drunk with power or something (well it's that way for me), but in a way it's pretty fair.

Then again I'm not quite fond of politics and the company it keeps. I mean she's a nice lady and all but meh.

I dunno much about politics, and I don't take sides. But I think communism has something about it that unites the people and creates pride in the big picture. I dislike how it rids people of individuality though.

I mean people should be proud of who they are before being part of the country; communism tends to be something that just unites people and denies them of being humans. Then again the humanity would probably come in on the deep level of comrade-to-comrade interaction... I think.

Yeah yeah it's all based on thought, but come on you guys.

I don't get much comments I miss anon comments, they're fun.

I'm gonna go take a little walk on the blogosphere now. Bai.

Oh and this is just something I wrote while some old lady called "Rebecka " (I think it's Al-Salti but I have no idea) was talking and telling us stories in the Social Enterpreneurship lecture.

So I thought I'd just share it.

Reject the shallow communism in the kingdom

Reject the dishonesty and confusion in the people

Reject the layers of lies and the media brainwash

Reject the cover of freedom under a man's tyranny

Won't play solo; what you don't give, I'll take

It's not fair to us people corrupting ourselves with hate

I am the country, and the bliss in lies is through

The more you spoil me the less I'd need to fight for you

Your ally is my friend too, his pretty words won't fool me

I'm in pain and I know what I need; tyranny, taste my brutality

Monday, November 16, 2009

Heh heh...

Yup it's final...

I'm an attention whore :D

This is another stunt, ignore.

No word seems to be able to express what I feel right now.

None of my words are expressing me.

Am I sad...? I don't even know...

Worried...? Maybe... why...? No fucking idea, maybe I want some attention coz I'm a spoilt self-destructive brat.

Am I self-destructive...? I don't even know... maybe it's just an idea that got stuck in my head due to people talking and things that I read.

Am I paranoid...? I don't think so, but something bring negative thoughts to my head.

Am I okay...? I think I am.

Do I understand myself right now...? Not a bit...

Am I missing something...? Yes maybe that's what it is... something is missing and I dunno what it is.... maybe it's an overreaction... typical stuff...? Right? Maybe...

Do I feel weak? Very... Is it making me worry...? Yes... But I just have to let it out... and no matter how much I let it out it doesn't seem to be expressed... so I dunno what it is that I'm unable to express...

Am I thinking...? nope not at all... I guess this is feeling numb... yet there is this thing that I'm feeling which I don't even know... I think it's really common in our generation...

Am I scared of being weak...? Yes... I wanna be strong for the people around me... They have enough to bear without me...

What the FUCK is it that I'm feeling...? what the fuck do I need...?

God help me please... I'm on my knees and my eyes are tearing up for a reason that I don't fucking know....

Do I need help...? No coz I think it's fine... another phase meant to pass sooner or later...

Am I worried about its repercussions...? Yes... I feel like I'm pushing you away... it's likme I'm pushing away because I wanna be strong... yet it's like I still want some attention even if I reject it...

Maybe I need attention... Hell, yeah probably I do... but who can afford to give attention to someone who will only bring you down... over and over... this is the last time the last time the last time that I'll be like this.. the phase passes and I feel better... then again it happens and I feel like I'm that little kid banging his head against the ground coz his mom is leaving the house... so yeah I am spoilt with attention...

Can it change...? SHOULD it change? should I change...? I'm what the world made me... a result of a society seen cruel only coz I'm spoilt...

God help me...

Was I being me...? Yes...

Which me...? Not a clue...

Everyone can love... no matter how they feel... heroes loved in their time of weakness... yet I feel selfish...

I can't help because I would feel hypocritical... yet I can help coz I know what to do... but not with myself...

Am I still what I am to you...? Probably maybe...

Possibly hopefully...

Willfully freely...

Yes maybe...



Uh-huh... hahah... sure...


Aww you shouldn't have......

Well you did and I love it...

Why thank you..

At least I'm not part of a matrix... I'm me right...?

...... right...?

... Just breathe... it'll pass...

bear with me...? if you want...

come as you are...

I am.....

Well that's sweet thank you...

Heh... yeah...

Well yeah I might as well allow comments coz I'm a whore...

whore whore whore...

Aaaand silence...

And my mind just proves me right

Not surprised...

And I get angry at the world and everything around me...

The wrath building... the pain fuelling it...

The better I see the worse I am...

... no fucking words...

Not for a friend, not for a lover, and none for myself...

Drain me and rise above me... it's what it's all about...


Of course repetition makes it weaker...
yeah you're used to this... it doesn't mean it's nothing...

Just like palestine... oh they've been dying for a fuck-long time, what else is new...?
And it's my fucklong... you wanna thrive you gotta leave it all...

bones... bones...

bones bones...

just being me.... right...?

drain me...
thanks for asking...

Funny that when we treat people better nobody is aware of the whole "I wanna be treated that way and they're gonna be treated that way too..."

I sense things coming... and my mind is out of control and I'm going insane... and I'm losing my mind and it's nothing new let's not mind and let's just butt-fuck a head and screw on a cow's heart over the grave of leech-infested and rotten land...

clap clap clap clap clap...

Do you not see underneath my words...?


Please feel free to drop some critical comments... brutally honest stuff...

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


Metal is a saviour for me, and has freed my mind back when I thought I knew who I am. It gave me strength.

It is the reject's music; it's the music for the person who sits in the corner due to being different from the rest of the world, and being rejected; it's the private intimate connection between a person and his instincts; it is a method of coping with pain and a voice of hope and freedom, pushing you to push forward and survive.

It's not elite, it's intimate.

The expression of rebellion and of deep feelings.
Be it the angry feelings, psychotic feelings, fucked up urges, confusion, hate, love...

I was the loser and I am a loser, and that is part of who I am now, I might be able to play along more, but I am also able to be honest when I have to.

I am proud of who I became.
I am proud of the influence heavy metal had on me.

It is for the Silhouette
It is for the reject
It is for the truth of pain
It is for the depth of feeling
It is for the ache of oblivion
It is for the heart of complex emotions
It is for the expressions of misery, chaos, peace, hate, and love intertwined
It is for the outspoken
It is the soundtrack of revolution and life
It is the balancing force
It is what pays your attention to the emotions stirring within when the world tells you to ignore them
It is the intimacy

This weekend I am hopefully going to see Anathema in concert in Lebanon, I don't care if I'm going alone, I will not miss this opportunity.

Fuck the negative energy, you won't bring me down.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


This inspired by Zena's post...

I hope you can keep up, it's a bit messy

You know I think this year is slightly a past-resolutional year, I think some spirits were brought back yet many were crushed.

Maybe there isn't enough energy for all of us.
Our world is a strange place.

Many people's lack of necessities and insecurity have lead them to lose the feeling of enjoying, since the main focus is to survive.

It's really quite sad.

During my work on design, I have relived having a family, just by being my usual dorky self and making fun of the people with me and them just laughing about it rather than taking it too seriously and stuff.

It's fun to be disgusting.

It's fun to play with your food, I think that's why mansaf tastes better when you eat with your hands.

It's fun to enjoy stuff... no?

I have been revisiting an area pretty close to where I grew up (Jabal Amman) and pretty similar to it, also (where I lived wasn't in great condition, but I don't remebmer having much problems myself). It really made me remember what having a family was.

A family member is anyone who allows you to be yourself, be annoying, and who lets you annoy them and all that. You can be quiet with them and just listen to music, you can hang out with them.

Though most of the world is becoming as shallow as skyscrapers, and that such feats are seen as development, I think that a well-off, open-minded, intelligent country with spirit is a successful and developed country.

We all have to work, maybe we ARE schizophrenics since sometimes you just shut yourself up to work and become a different person...
... but no matter how much I work, I always have friends to be with, there's a person I adore, a person to remind me of who I was, a person to remind me of what I should do, a person to remind me of the kid that I am.
A whole bunch of people.

That's family, all of it.

There really are good people out there sometimes.

A circle of friends could be a family.
A country could be a family.
People with similar activities.

Each group kinda provides you to have your freedom in that certain angle... and people from each group gather up to form a family and stuff kinda.

Although we all just grow up and start working and worrying, friends still have a huge value. People keeping people alive... that's the beauty of it.

Hopefully people will become more accepting at some point...

No matter how old I grow, I will always see myself as the kid who played on his father's drums and on the streets, who imagined things, who sketched Sonic and videogame characters, and who hadn't lost anything nor anyone.

I am keeping my inner-child alive...

Just yesterday while working with my design group I went out of the no smoking area and just sat with a random person on a table and told him that I'm gonna sit with him and smoke a cigarette.

We talked for a while, I finished my cigarette, asked what his name was (and I forgot it :\), told him mine, then walked away.

Just today an old person came to me and two other people walking with me and told us that he found a leaf that cleaned his palm; he rubbed his palm with it and showed it to us, and it actually cleaned the palm of his hand hahah.

It was fascinating, sure at some point I thought he was stoned, but it was nice to experience such a surreal unusual activity. It's like the man was a kid playing in the grass and showing his parents. It was amazing now that I think about it, I was confused at that time when he approached us.

I don't know why I mentioned these two stories, but they're pretty interesting :)

This is what happens when you feel happy with yourself and confident I think.

A glint in one's eyes.

Something happens and sparks you up and you just feel so fucking energized and you just get inspired...

I dunno what's happening :\ but I don't mind it...

Maybe it's due to reconnecting with Jabal Amman once again.

The ancestor, the origin, the mother of Amman.

I gotta say she has such a powerful effect... an amazing, powerful effect...

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Beautiful Fucking Boats


Saturday, October 31, 2009

Tupac Shakur

Well I'm pretty much against rap music, it's just horrible in my opinion. But Tupac is the only rapper worth listening to (again, in my opinion).

It had a meaning, who knew eh?

Here are some poems he had written before his death. I just wanted to share them.

They just seem so simple and straight to the point, and they just really get to you (well they got to me).

When Your Hero Falls:

when your hero falls from grace
all fairy tales are uncovered
myths exposed and pain magnified
the greatest pain discovered
you taught me to be strong
but I'm confused to see you so weak
you said never to give up
and it hurts to see you welcome defeat
when your hero falls so do the stars
and so does the perception of tomorrow
without my hero there is only
me alone to deal with my sorrow
your heart ceases to work
and your soul is not happy at all
what are you expected to do
when your only hero falls

I Cry

Sometimes when I'm alone
I Cry,
Cause I am on my own.
The tears I cry are bitter and warm.
They flow with life but take no form
I Cry because my heart is torn.
I find it difficult to carry on.
If I had an ear to confide in,
I would cry among my treasured friend,
but who do you know that stops that long,
to help another carry on.
The world moves fast and it would rather pass by.
Then to stop and see what makes one cry,
so painful and sad.
And sometimes...
I Cry
and no one cares about why.

The Rose that Grew from Concrete

Did you hear about the rose that grew
from a crack in the concrete?
Proving nature's law is wrong it
learned to walk with out having feet.
Funny it seems, but by keeping it's dreams,
it learned to breathe fresh air.
Long live the rose that grew from concrete
when no one else ever cared.

In The Depths of Solitude

I exist in the depths of solitude
pondering my true goal
trying to find peace of mind
and still preserve my soul
constantly yearning to be accepted
and from all receive respect
never comprising but sometimes risky
and that is my only regret
a young heart with an old soul
how can there be peace
how can I be in the depths of solitude
when there are two inside of me
this duo within me causes
the perfect oppurtunity
to learn and live twice as fast
as those who accept simplicity

And Tomorrow

Today is filled with anger
fueled with hidden hate
scared of being outcast
afraid of common fate
Today is built on tragedies
which no one wants to face
nightmares to humanities
and morally disgraced
Tonight is filled with rage
violence in the air
children bred with ruthlessness
because no one at home cares
Tonight I lay my head down
but the pressure never stops
knawing at my sanity
content when I am dropped
But tomorrow I see change
a chance to build a new
Built on spirit intent of Heart
and ideals
based on truth
and tomorrow I wake with second wind
and strong because of pride
to know I fought with all my heart to keep my
dream alive

Rest In Peace.

Enjoy the poetry.

Bye :)

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Hey baby, nice ass...-peaker...


Well fuck me running! It's real.

An ass that splits into two and lets out... umm whatever you want it to really.

Like music and stuff...

Meh :\

It just looks hilarious lol

I mean it's an ass speaker xD

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

You fuckers

You fuckers, even you, don't blog anymore!

You're like a bag of no-blogs.

My grandma blogs better than you do!



And is it that hard to drop by and say hey? =D

I insist that each of you make a post dedicated to me :)

Thinking about people in your life called Sa3ed is proven to make you happy :D

Get your own Sa3ed today (beh).

I'm bored :\

Moving on...

I took a Mumayaz cab home today xD

I just saw it in the streets while carrying a shitload of papers and rolls and stuff.

It's not that expensive.

A friend of mine told me that the Toyota Mumayaz is cheaper and more normal in its price. It seemed meh, cleaner than most taxis and it was 3adi. But the driver was okay he didn't blab too much and crap.
Supposedly the Mercedes Mumayaz cabs are more expensive.

But meh.

Furthermore, 7iber ignored me like a 90 year-old prostitute.

Okay bai
Also, the game. You just lost it.

Sunday, October 25, 2009





(that's like a chokehold, but instead of a choke, it's a bee... >.>)






7iber doesn't like me, I sent a post to the editor wo na33amli.

And it's by the people 2a? 2A?!!

Yeah enough posting for me.



Friday, October 23, 2009

Reporting in

Today is free day for me.

I'm gonna do whatever.

I'm gonna fucking fuck fuck asjdasjdkal;sd


I'll post how it goes later.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Oh, me...

... Is it just me who's happy for liking someone? Or is everyone else just getting more sad...?

... Is it just me who's full of lies? Or are all the people completely drained of lying to themselves...?

People at uni seem to be becoming lifeless drones... well except for 1st years who still see hope in things, before entering a world where work and talents are underappreciated...?
Is it just me thinking about this or are we becoming a communist area governed by deeply implanted politics...?
What is it in our youth that makes us so... easily drained...?

Our culture?

I would believe that people are just growing up...

Meh... wow man... life is just effing odd...

Growing up... I have never seen such a stage before in my life... I dunno what it is but things seem to be burning down... Spirits in particular

Call me spoilt if you want, but I honestly don't quite care what you think, bash me, but I'm just speaking my mind... And I feel that many people should hear this :\

Something is going on...

Mankind is in that recession stage... I think that this is just like the time before the renaissance where people are being completely wrecked; spiritually (religion isn't spiritual anymore) and physically (money money money). Now the grip of religion (and with the communication speed and flimsy nature of our lives), things are going downhill and nobody is daring to be much of an artist in certain places...

I think people should be more daring...

And the government more helpful rather than hoping to shoot down people who want the true meaning of freedom, rather than freedom in a gigantic cave where people believe they are okay when they are not.

Yes, I am talking about Jordan.

No offense to many people, figures, and entities; of course...

Hope gets shot down, because many things have potential and never are allowed to grow... And the people are blamed...

The people live under the influence of the macro...

You know the macro, I'm sure you do...

Bash me, go ahead... I'm speaking my mind... and I still believe in change... that change that we need...

We are in a modern washing machine (plus chemicals), no wonder it's hard to get ourselves dirty enough to live again...



Why is thinking so different than before...?

Thinking is now considering the "logic" rather than deeply and -I emphasise- honestly...
Honest thinking with your guts and your brains working together to create a balanced image rather than a biased one...

Oh, me...
I miss you...

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Million-Mile Cane

Okay so I'm bored and I've had a few drinks...


What to say what to say...
What am I thinking...?

Do I'm just bored... and I'm thinking if things are gonna go well tomorrow in design class...

I have a presentation on Tuesday I should prepare for it tomorrow...

I went to my aunt's today, my artist-aunt-who-lives-in-Jordan's house, and my aunt who lives in Swizerland was there.

We kinda went to see her... she's here for 10 more days.

I was supposed to go see Abidal and Farah and sit with them and study... I didn't feel like it so I just went home...

I sense... nothing...

My 6th sense is off right now...


I dunno why I'm posting I just don't have much to do I guess...

Meh zah2aan...

Maybe I'm missing something/someone :\

I have a pack of Marlboro 100's. They're not much larger than a normal pack, but they're just perceived as larger due to proportions.

Kinda like penises. Shave the hair it's gonna feel the same but it might look larger xD

Ahhh... fuck...


So I'm just listening to some Anathema, quite a good band.

IS it just me or does passion appear most when you're sad? Or maybe it's only sad things that touch us...


So I just wrote this...
Certain things come in the weirdest, most abstract, and most difficult forms...

A Million-Mile Cane.

The reason behind this name is coz of the fact that "divine" interventions seem to be completely pointless.
It's like when you fall down and someone gives you a cane to help you stand up and walk again.

The idea behind the million-mile long cane is the fact that it is not easy to use to help yourself out with; you struggle with it... you struggle with your logic which tells you that this cane is impossible to be used for help, as it seems like it is more of a burden.

But then you realize that you just need some faith sometimes, yet almost the entire time, you bear the cane and feel that it is about to fall over... but you are forced to believe...

I still believe... without the need of force.

Now I'm not COMPLETELY God-headed, but I think this can connect with many people on many levels, since almost every situation requires a bit of faith (in love, in instinct, in feelings, in a god).

Faith can refer to many things; God is whatever you need her/him to be at your moment of weakness...

I slip and fall into the same trap I vowed to avoid...
I slip and fall into a wonderful hell of void...

I think it over...
I lived believing I'm a rover...

I fall, weak; shot by an arrow and bow...
I bleed out enjoying the pain awaiting below...

I'm healed for a while...
My wounds leaking all that is hollow and vile...

Selfishness fades away...
Nothing but passion paves my way...

Heart in control...
Holding nothing but a dice to roll...

At a moment I stop...
Like a devil, my mind scythes its crops...

I block it out...
I try and avoid what they talk about...

Truth in the liars' hands...?
My heart pleads and begs me to take a stand...

I shun it all...
As my heart holds the another's; I stand tall...

Split apart for a while...
The scythe wanders freely; the limit is in a mile...

I hold on tight...
The good in me knows what is right...

Come hold me...
A heartless mind must not be set free...

But what can I do...
Weakness kicks in when I'm blue...

And it remains...
But it's not easy...

I was thinking bluesy/sad atmospheric music playing in the background as someone reads the lines in a dark voice, gaining positivity in the end...

The sequence gains positivity and majority and dominates the listener... taking her/him into the feelings of disbelief in oneself then lifts her/him into the peak of belief in many things (which probably are things that are not the person her/himself) which lead into an uplift of spiritual energy...

At the last verse...
A single note with an eerie note is played... To refer to the remaining fear of downfall after the uplift...

Can we survive on our own? Probably not...

Does passion live? I hope it does...

Mind-born fear is the worse...
Have faith...

Popcorn anyone?


I have been watching this thing for a while now and just cracking up at it xD

I can't see a better example of advertising, it's just awesome. :P Brainwash free commercials, what more do you want? :D

It's like a big part of my childhood, I remember half of those ads as a kid, back when there was nothing but jordan, israel, and syrian television at my grandma's house xD

Loool it's so fucking epic xD

Hahah then in the end that voice just starts talking haik bsor3a wo it's over xD


Thursday, October 15, 2009



Yeah... Go figure....

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I Hate Myself and Want to Die

I just love this song.

I Hate Myself and Want to Die, by Nirvana


Monday, October 12, 2009

elhlD asd aliusdh alashvsa CKFAFDS?


But sometimes auvhlds,amjndsa

But then everything aiuhdslimuaksld, ashdmcaosdas asdjasndas



And ajnsldasd...

But ajshdlkasnda





Sorry I'm just kinda in that downer-passive agression-hyper mood.

I blame the coffee I've been having in the morning.
Or maybe I'm happy but somethings are bringing me down but I dunno :o

I wonder what the future holds...

I wonder how many cigarettes I can fit into my vagina...


You know what we didn't have in a while? A good old fashioned cursing line.

Now don't ask me why, but I don't even know.

There's this line that makes me think of a lot of things and increases my paranoia level to over 9000.

"I miss the comfort in being sad"
-Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge on Seattle, by Nirvana

And all of a sudden (COUGH COUGH I WONDER WHO CAUSED IT COUGH) I'm not feeling like cursing and stuff.

I was actually reading some of my older posts lol (back when I had a sense of humour [lol there's this one guy in german class who raid humor in german and it sounded like homo, EPIC WIN]) and I kinda lol'd at some old stuff.

I was on fire!!


Report in everyone!

That's Zena, Shadi, Farah, Abidal (I doubt it), Robo-suha, Anons, and anyone who reads the blog.


I miss my stalkers :(



Sunday, October 11, 2009


I have some Arabic in this post!!!

The second time :D (the first was like in another one when I was talking about Palestine, I'm not gonna look for it :\)

I saw this on a friend's status on facebook lol

وطني علمني أن حروف التريخ مزورة.... حين تكون بدون دماء....

˙˙˙ƃuıɥɔnoʇ ʎʇʇǝɹd sɐʍ ʇı ʇɥƃnoɥʇ ı

˙ǝɹıɟ ʇnoɥʇıʍ ǝʞoɯs ou

˙ʎɯǝuǝ ɹnoʎ ʍouʞ

˙sǝlʇʇɐq ɹnoʎ ǝsooɥɔ

˙ǝɔıɟıɹɔɐs puɐ pǝɥspoolq ʇnoɥʇıʍ ʎɹoʇɔıʌ ou

˙ssol ʇnoɥʇıʍ ƃuıuɹɐǝ ou

,,ƃuıʞ ǝq sʎɐʍlɐ llıʍ ǝɹǝɥʇ puɐ ǝʌɐls ǝq sʎɐʍlɐ llıʍ ǝɹǝɥʇ `ǝɹnʇɐu ɟo ssol ǝɥʇ ɹǝʌo pooɹq ʇou sǝop ǝɹnʇɐu sɐ ƃuol sɐ,,


Saturday, October 10, 2009

Live FeedJIT

I like looking at my FeedJIT thingy and seeing how people arrive to the blog :)

A lot of the time it involves the "" post, the Gaahl post, and the old Artwork post.

But lookie here xD


Jordan arrived from on "Endless, Nameless, Restless: Scarface" by searching for girls to fuc in amman jordan.

Well I'll be damned.

What the hell Jordan?! GET OUTTA MY BLOG!!

But here's a nicer one..

Philippines arrived from on "Endless, Nameless, Restless" by searching for i feel so restless to go back to sleep.

This kinda stuff, I just love.

It's part of why the blog was made :)

Well I just had to say that. :)


Friday, October 9, 2009


This is to a very special someone, who is quite broken right now...

Electric Tears, by Buckethead

I know it's hard when things shut down in your face and it feels like you are completely helpless... Like all the things you had in your mind are just... not gonna happen... ever...

You twist your guts out, you kick yourself in the teeth, you feel your hands are weighed down by such incomprehensible pain and negative energy...

I cant wait until I see what you do when your wings finally break out of your back...

It's not easy to attain freedom, but some people just have a great, powerful aura that you can sense even through technology...

I know how you have that energy and potential just waiting to break out...

I believe in you, I know you can do everything you want...

If it doesn't work somewhere, it will work in another...
If it doesn't work at a time, it will work at another...

I believe that when you're sad you have to feel it, cope with it, have some people with you to make you feel better coz you'll probably need it, and remember that you have such spiritual strength in you...

You taught me about that strength... and I gotta say it's so simple I can't believe I haven't believed in it earlier... but let's just say some people have a greater effect on us than others...

Don't dare give up on your dreams and on what you want...

And I'm saying that as selflessly as I can...

I hope you feel better...

I hope you get everything that you want...

I hope nothing brings you down...

I hope no obstacle is too big for you...

I hope everything goes well...

The song pulls out my spirit, takes me into a calmer space where I deal with everything repressed in my heart... even though I don't know them...

I pour my heart out for you, and every friend of mine who is feeling down right now; whether you feel like you lost your dog, your heart, your hope, your love, your spirit, your energy, your inspiration...

Don't give up...

I'm always here for you.
Not always something I can do but...

There's just nothing for me to say...
Eternally, I am here for all my friends, you mean a lot to me..
And I really hope you know it, you should..
Rendered in sadness by your side to help you through this...

...not in pity, not in my own misery, but feeling yours, because I want to... because I'm here for all of you...

Especially you...

Sunday, October 4, 2009


Today was a nice change...

We had to go see some sites near downtown and Rainbow Street for design. Now I'm not gonna get into details, but it felt like I'm going on my first SeeD mission lol (Final Fantasy VIII reference guys, sorry :P). It felt good, it was like I'm going to do something, and I feel that I will do something in this project.

I officially am interested in urban architecture/planning.
It indirectly and greatly affects societies.

Walking around in those areas, the more quiet areas where people live, I really started thinking...

I saw some people on the way, I saw old ladies, old men, old couples, kids, workers...

And there was at some point a woman sitting on the side of those beautiful, amazing ally-like, staircases, she didn't seem like a native, but she was reading a book and stuff.

I dunno why that image of her sitting on the stairs reminded me of This post, by Zeina "Zouz" Masri (Zena), an intelligent, sweet, amazing person...

This line especially came to my mind; wonderfully written yet simply put:

Would a person really pass by you if he/she did not share his/her soul?!

I passed by so many people today, some were giving me weird looks coz of the hair, others didn't really care.

So many people whose lives you can touch...

I dunno it just really um... touched me...

There were people just living their everyday life, and there we were, a bunch of architecture students with our instructor, that very presence of ours could have just... affected them...

Maybe the kids were thinking "I wonder what these guys are doing, I wonder when I'm gonna be that way... What do people do when they grow up?"

And the old people would be "I remember those good times" and stuff like that, maybe remembering some good things about his past and remembering his spirit.

In that sense we would have cheered the old person up for at least the rest of that day (maybe). And maybe the child thinks there's more to life than he knows and would get excited about it.

I think that difference, even if in a person's appearence can create wondering in a person or in the beholder's eyes at least.

I think difference creates that pulse of life. Well I think I have stated that before somewhere in the blog...

Life is wonderful...

Time is a bitch... but time just lets us appreciate so many things...

Good things come to an end... whether evil exists or not...

It's life...

Time is just something that we can't control...

We wish we could coz then everything we want we would get, and everything would be great...

But that's not life...

As much as I hate the hardships, they're the sacrifice I'm making to get what and who I want...
Juse like you sacrifice a few hours of sleep sometimes just so you can keep a wonderful moment a while longer, yet you have to get up early the next morning half-asleep and stuff lol...

But that's life...

Losing some things is bearable, but not everything...

Ahh the stories people can tell about losing people...

Whether the people died, forgot you, got forgotten by you and you suddenly remember them and feel bad, whether they left you and couldn't be with you...

It's the one thing in life we can't take. The one thing nothing can console except for maybe negative energy and time...

I believe that sometimes you have to feel your sadness in order to deal with it...

I believe in god...

Some dude or divine entity or holy demon that created the world...

I believe he just bears your weight with you when you need to take a big load (no perverted jokes here people), and he's like an imaginary friend who you can talk to when you're alone and have nothing to do.

Maybe he's lonely and wants people to fear him less, but he still wants some respect... Through action and doing the right things...

I think he has a sense of humor lol.

I think that not believing in stuff anymore and just following the facts is boring.

Well then what are you gonna have fun doing?

It's fun to imagine things, pretend stuff.

I used to put on a mask as a kid and pretend to be a ninja then I broke my plastuc glowing sword because I attacked the wodden couch xD.

I think I might still have that mask xD.

You know not having much to play with as a kid and not having something that imagined for you (game consoles) is actually pretty awesome. I did have stuff to play with as a kid, AND I had game consoles.

I think it's always good to see both sides and try them.

Being in control, and losing control.
Gaining and losing.
Being opressed and being free.

... but all to an extent. Because then you just... become controlled completely by one thing, and you would never get to see the other side of things, but you would be completely taken...

The only thing we're not immune to is our feelings, they just sneak up on you, and sometimes a word can just bring out the worst in you, the things you're self-conscious about. Things in your sub-consciousness.

Then things happen that just suck you back down to earth...

To the misery and the joys...

To the contradictions and battles of the Earth Mother...

Where beauty is in everything.

And as someone I know said (and I dunno where she got it from lol, I could swear I heard it before though)...

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

This ended up to be a bunch of uncoordinated rants at some point, but I hope you get it... most of it at least...

:) Have a good night

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Endless, Nameless

Endless, Nameless (live) - Nirvana

Friday, October 2, 2009


Yeah I just didn't blog for a while and I guess I felt like blogging something whatever it is.

So I went to Abdulla's today, I like his dog she's awesome.

Umm... Yeah then we went to Cups and Kilos so Farah can GIVE ME MY FUCKING PHONE BACK!!

And apparently there was like a comedy show thing going on there?

Some pain in the ass typical Jordanian cunt was talking the entire time and booing some dude who apparently was "ma bida77ek". Ya3ni til7as teezi man shut up and let people enjoy things.

Oh, and Pizza Hut sucks ASS.

Apart from the OILY OILY OILY OILY OILY OILY OILY OILY OILY OILY OILY OILY OILY OILY OILY OILY OILY OILY OILY OILY OILY OILY OILY OILY OILY OILY OILY ""PIZZA"" that they serve, they were able to ruin and butcher their NORMAL stuffed crust pizza!

It is now yellowy, smelly, and has less tomato paste or whatever the fuck that stuff was, AAAANNNNDDD there is a weird lump of cheese in the middle of the slice ITSELF. Which tastes like a rotten, dead vagina.


Looool and lookie, (thanks to Shmal [lol shmal = shmale = shemale] for reminding me to look at C&H bal bla bla...)

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
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