Tuesday, September 29, 2009

All of a sudden...

DISCLAIMER: For the safety of loves ones and readers, please be cautious and try to ignore the author's thought's as much as you can.







Negativity...


It's been there since like the morning...

I think it's the architecture... Had design today...


It's gonna be a bitch...


I feel it...




I hate it.... I think I hate architecture... it feels too forceful now...

It's like it's killing me....




But how can I just leave it?
Leave my mother's hopes buried, disappoint her infront of her friends and the people who want me to be an architect... people who want me to be rich and make a living...


Why are people such cunts...?

Why do I care? I don't wanna care...

Sure in the long run nobody will care for me... but fuck that...

Shouldn't be much of a disappointment, disappointments have happened before...
Probably isn't the first nor the last time...


Just a phase...

Just a phase...

Just a phase...





It'll fade away...


Moving from one hope to nothing...

I hate studying, I'm stubborn and I don't wanna work and I don't want anything...


I don't wanna care, I don't wanna be cared for, talked to, looked at, pitied...




I'm just hating everything right now...

Studying... Humans... Care...


Yeah, downer, fuck you, fuck you all, I don't give a fuck it will pass...





Please do excuse me, I am currently feeling spiteful and careless. Please hold for the next post to care about what you think.

Monday, September 28, 2009

About a girl

This song just reminds me of someone...

I can't believe I'm being this cheesy, but I'm here for you :)



Oh and fuck you all... except one... >.>


About a Girl, by Nirvana

Lyrics:

I need an easy friend
I do... with an ear to lend
I do... think you fit this shoe
I do... but you have a clue

I'll take advantage while
You hang me out to dry
But I can't see you every night
Free...

i do...

I'm standing in your line
I do... hope you have the time
I do... pick a number too
I do... keep a date with you

I'll take advantage while
You hang me out to dry
But I can't see you every night
Free...

i do...

I need an easy friend
I do... with an ear to lend
I do... think you fit this shoe
I do... but you have a clue

I'll take advantage while
You hang me out to dry
But I can't see you every night
But I can't see you every night

free...

I do...

I do...

I do...

I do...



















Rest in peace, Kurt Cobain.

Thanks for the music :)

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Back to uni

Ooh yaay!!


After energetically deciding that I will kick ass in architecture once again, since I was revived, I got irresponsibly drunk yesterday and I have a hangover.

LOLZOMGWTFBBQ HANGOVAR LAYK DA MOOVEY!


So hopefully this hasn't fucked my wishes >.>



My schedule seems pretty good, I finish at 3 max, unless I add the Auto-CAD stuff and all..


I dunno why I'm up, I'm gonna go back to sleep.

KTHXBAI

Saturday, September 26, 2009

BAHAHAH

Shadi ya ta3rees, about 4 seconds for a beer chug? O.O


drunk by 10:30... sad >.>




I feel... So I am...




My guitar got strings :)


*sigh...*


EDIT (morning after the post was made):


ULTRALIGHT MARLBOROS SUCK ASS!! My nose is more stuffed than a turkey on Thanksgiving, more fucked than a high class prostitute, and more runny than Forrest Gump.


kbai

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Well...

DESCLAIMER: This is a long post



So today was a bust...

I had no credits in the morning and I had to call a few people and I couldn't call a few people back nor text (thats you Chim).



God dammit I just feel frustrated right now...


Why can't Jordan have better people and be a better fucking country (that's actually a rant)?
What the fuck is wrong with our culture (that's an entire rant by itself, too)?



I wonder if each individual has her/his own level of vitality (not in a physical sense, but maybe psychological, and yeah that probably could be a bit physical, technically speaking).



Everything is made much MUCH more complex than it should be sometimes...


I feel like I am gaining some experience in the logical and mainstream idea of being a man.

I dunno...

I dunno, I dunno anything, I'm like tired yet energetic and haik... I dunno...


Something is going on in my head and I don't even know it...

The family is fine...

I thought everything is going well... and I'm not rushing ANYTHING... and I'm not doing anything at all...

I dunno if I feel like I'm growing or losing...

Is life going too fast, or am I moving too slowly?


Why am I feeling like this?
What is it I'm feeling?

....



I don't know if I'm bothered or what...

I don't know what could be bothering me...


I guess I kinda feel numb... I feel like letting some anger out or something I dunno...


Is that what being a man is?


A few days ago I was great I was happy and I was taking care of my own crap and able to handle things...


I'm pissed... I just wish that one little thing could have gone well... I dunno what the fuck is going on...

In my head something is just loose and it's in my entire body and it feels like... I dunno like I'm sad and angry and FUCKED and just.... frustrated yeah that's probably it...

But I dunno why...


I'm frustrated coz of myself coz I can't get a license nor anything...
I'm frustrated coz of Jordan and wishing it would treat everyone amazingly so I wouldn't worry...
I'm frustrated coz of not having a drive in me that made me work...


One good thing happens it feels like Jordan is gonna bend me over and take it back by force coz its people are shitheads...

One good conversation with a family member and all of a sudden politics unravel like life is nothing but a scheme...

One moment of amazing passion and suddenly it feels like I'm gonna grow up into a passionless bastard who has nothing in his life but to get through with uni and work...




I'm starting to think I can only be a normal/cool/entertaining person online or drunk... Or when for some reason I'm just in a good mood, rather than being a pessimist who worries about everything...


Yes worrying does indicate care... but maybe it indicates insecurity as well...



I feel like breaking something...

I hope I don't lose my passion...

I hope nothing drains me except those who I love...

I hope I would have a better judgement about everything I do...




You get into something you never thought was possible, and all of a sudden you start hearing stories of people who just got married to have something to fuck or so they wouldn't be alone for the rest of their life...


I would rather be alone if I end up like that...


Why do I feel everything is doomed to fail?

Why does it seem that all the faith I have is being targetted by the lifeless, soulless cunts who have no passion for their life?


Now I'm not kicking myself down... I don't think I am but...

The world was perfect as a kid... all colorful and amazing...
You grow up a little, seems like things are a little more sad and not as expected...
You grow up some more and things start to be about money, politics, power, and appearences...

You find something to make you feel different, and you find something to hold your hadn through it, and it just seems to be taken away...

You find something you're passionate about, and it just suddenly becomes too farfetched, and you get tied down by everyone...

Then you end up in a shit job that you hate... I don't wanna end up like that... I think that's my biggest fear... Being a robotic dilhole in an office... but why am I feeling like I'm not trying to fix it...?

What if time turns against me and my passion fades away... What if I lose it all... my love, my passion, my art, my skill, my hair...


I just wish for me to suffer at one point and have to work just so I can know that I'm doing something... Am I working now? Am I helping myself out...?

People tell stories of when they were young... Fuck you I never wanna grow old... not like that... I wanna be the old man with long hair and a significant other who still jams on his guitar and drums sometimes, who would like play for his grandchildren some songs from back in his day, or maybe even jam with them and tell them stories...



Don't EVER let them tell you that you can't do anything...


I will not take it...


I'm sick of negative energy coming out of nowhere and holding me down...


It's better to burn out than to fade away...





I wanna burn out... I wanna work my ass off... not be drained by inexperienced studying that means nothing...



Just recently I've been feeling like I hate architecture... like I started out well and then I just screwed myself over and kicked myself in the teeth so hard it still bleeds...


What the hell is holding me back... clearly it's me... I don't know what the fuck I want anymore...


An extended family member tells me that I can juggle a hobby (music) and still be a good architect... but I want to be a musician rather than a fucking architect... I don't feel it anymore... a bitch teacher ruined it for me and it's not the same...


I will forever hate her...



I don't want my love to end up like that... How can you have faith in your skills as an architect if you don't feel it...?

Less than a month ago I was reminded that I can feel... and now so many things are blocking the way from that emotion...


I'm so fucking pissed at everything right now, just passively angry... angry enough to just let out a snake and wait for it to attack someone I hate rather than just go and attack them...



What the fuck is going on... I just feel so fucking down and pissed...



I don't want love to fade away... I don't want anything to fade away... the world is going down and I want to be one of the people who hold passion, love, and art before everything...


Why do people keep trying to ruin love and art?


I have recently started believing in god again... my own god...
Very unexpected... I never even expected it...
He helps me and pats my back everynow and then and he gets my jokes and curse words and knows what I intend to express...



Please god... I have never been so desperate in my entire life...

Don't let me fade away...

Don't let me die passionless and pointless...

I am a rock, let me roll...

Don't let them affect me...

Let me feel her...

Keep my feelings alive...

Keep my fire burning through everything...
Let my passion be endless...

Keep my love alive...
Let my giving be nameless...

Let my soul have some energy and some feelings... let the passion burn in me so painfully that I must let it out...
Let my soul be restless...

I am restless, god... I feel... but I feel like I can't give... I can't express... I'm not connecting with myself... I'm not hating, I'm not loving... I'm nothing right now...


Please... don't let me go to waste... I am willing... I want to break through...


I want to break things down and shine...


God just let me roll.....




In matching to the subject of this post, Stairway To Heaven, by Led Zeppelin...

In the beginning of the recorded live version of the song (on "The Song Remains the Same"), Robert Plant says "I think this is a song of hope". I believe that it really is...

It's like a song that just lets you see yourself or something, it reaches into the depths of your soul and cuddles it...

The last verse has a phrase that just really gets to me:

"to be a rock and not to roll"

It makes me shiver, having the ability to be, but not being...
Wasting...


Robert Plant is how I wanna be when I grow up, that image...


Well here are the lyrics, and the song is just below (the clip is of the live version from "The Song Remains the Same" I hope it doesn't take too long to load, it's worth the listen):


There's a lady who's sure all that glitters is gold
And she's buying a stairway to heaven
When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed
With a word she can get what she came for
Ooh, ooh, and she's buying a stairway to heaven

There's a sign on the wall but she wants to be sure
'Cause you know sometimes words have two meanings
In a tree by the brook, there's a songbird who sings
Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven
Ooh, it makes me wonder
Ooh, it makes me wonder

There's a feeling I get when I look to the west
And my spirit is crying for leaving
In my thoughts I have seen rings of smoke through the trees
And the voices of those who stand looking
and it makes me wonder
really makes me wonder

And it's whispered that soon if we all call the tune
Then the piper will lead us to reason
And a new day will dawn for those who stand long
And the forest will echo with laughter

GUITAR SOLO

If there's a bustle in your hedgerow, don't be alarmed now,
It's just a spring clean for the May Queen
Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run
There's still time to change the road you're on
Ooh, it makes me wonder
Ooh, Ooh, it makes me wonder

Your head is humming and it won't go, in case you don't know
The piper's calling you to join him
Dear lady, can't you hear the wind blow, and did you know
Your stairway lies on the whispering wind

GUITAR SOLO

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold
And if you listen very hard
The tune will come to you at last
When all is one and one is all, yeah
To be a rock and not to roll.

And she's buying the stairway to heaven




Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Life Lessons

I just had a great talk with my mom.


It had soooo much to keep up with.



But let's just say, keep it smart.


I love strong women, I just love them.


Playing things smart is the best way to sum things up.


:)
I love you, mom.




And I miss certain people.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Time Capsule

This is one of my favourite instrumentals, ever.

Thought I might as well post it since I'm pretty bored and have nothing much to do.

It's pretty short, no need to wait too long for it to load.


Time Capsule, by Arch Enemy




Monday, September 21, 2009

Eid?

Tab yil3an immo lal 3eid, mnee7?


I don't mind the idea, it's quite thoughtful (good try god, good try), but seriously, people and eid don't mix. Well maybe they do, but some families don't work with it anymore.


I don't like it..


My sister would be pissed off at the early morning and would just be a pain in the ass, but that's okay coz I'm used to that.

Then I'd be in the kitchen and she'd look at me and mouth "kos" about someone/something, and she'd go out and fake it with a nice long "hiiiii". It's just awesome. Faking is amazing! All the kewl kats are doing it!


I guess you have no choice but to fake when family comes over, but no need akol to3om 3al sobe7 for fuck's sake -.-

I guess it's nice to have some family, though...
Not the bullshit family, but the kind that you can do whatever with and they wouldn't say anything; but then again I also wish that I can fly and that Jordan had logical human beings.






On another note, do you think my posts are too informal?

I thought that's part of the blog's charm :D

But then again I just see many blogs that are soo... tidy and nice and all that stuff, with serious titles, aggregators, gadgets, shiny thingies, and stuff like that.


Meh I like my blog though, freedom at it's finest.



Now go on compliment my blog until it feels better :D

DO IT!!! NAO!!



And shush =>

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Go figure...

It's weird when you discover how strong you can be, how much you can do, and how much you can be when you're... in trance...



I never expected myself to be strong... but I can be...


I believe in myself... for others... not for myself...


Maybe that's what many things are about...



It's always easier to care for others and give them a push... but not that easy to care for yourself...




Sexual roles don't even matter... every relationship is special...



*sigh...* I just wish someone would just shush me right now... It can't be any clearer than this...



I never wanna let down...
I wanna pummel through everything for...
I wanna sacrifice my passion for...
I wanna sacrifice me for...


I feel energies and many things...


Maybe there's always a contradiction between security and freedom/passion...

May I retain all...


For you...

nevermind

Oh, me....

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Creep

Probably the creepiest thing I've sketched...




Friday, September 18, 2009

Vacation

Well I'm already on holiday, but I went to the dead sea with a few family members and it was awesome :)


Had a lot of fun, drinks, laughs, lol's, rofl's.


Loool at some point we were in the room talking and I laughed so hard I just went to lay down on the bed zay il-7awamel so that I don't end up throwing up.


Oh and it was almost empty and mostly it composed of old couples and stuff (aww).

One old dude was like diving and stuff.



I dunno what to say about the trip but I enjoyed it.
Anyway, some pics for you.

They're taking a bit long to upload on here, so meh.. I'm just gonna put a few.. okay just one..

And the pictures are huge, so yeah I'm not gonna post them all... just one, I don't feel like waiting and all.


















Fine maybe I'll add another...







Have a nice day.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Misery

DISCLAIMER: I don't want any comments on this post, but I'm just letting out some stuff. Please do not consider my thoughts much.

Whoever said misery loves company is one hell of a smart person.

I guess sooner or later (if you're similar) you start kicking yourself down so badly people around you start to get scared.

I've dealt with a lot of bullshit in my life.
I've let out a lot of bullshit in my life.

... but I never understood myself. I still don't understand myself.



What is it...?



I feel like I hurt a lot of people when I'm like this yet I dunno why I end up like this... There's this little feeling I have... I just emit all kinds of crap... I dunno why I feel like this, what is going on...?

Maybe I'm scared, maybe I'm sick, maybe I'm a fucking idiot coz I'd be hurting one of the sweetest things that I have ever run into... ever...

Go figure, maybe we all are invincible, but we hurt ourselves... because of our imperfections...

Maybe I'll always be this way... feeling sorry for myself for a reason I can't even come close to understanding...

Maybe I AM a mentally fucked person...

Maybe I'll always appear strong then wither [sp] away in my own skin...




Maybe I do love misery... go figure...






How do you get to loving yourself...?





Maybe I'm just letting some negativity out...


Maybe as soon as you start to reveal your weakness to someone, you start hating yourself for that... not being weak, but realizing what you are...



I hate myself right now, and no matter what you say, you can't get me to change my mind... and maybe sooner or later I'll learn to love myself... and maybe then I'll be able to say how I "love" someone...


Love... is it accepting someone for anything they are...? So what now? I just accept that I'm a cynical person who tends to contradict himself at any second...? Do you just discover it...?



...... As long as you don't get pulled down with me...


What is love? What is misery? What is care? What is everything?


Who am I? Is this misery a part of me? I recently started believing in a god again, not the mainstream god, but my own...

They say god helps you love yourself... is that true?
They say love hurts...
They say love doesn't exist...



It just comes and goes my misery, sooner or later I end up winning a battle and sometimes losing a few, just so I can survive to fight another day, to hopefully realise what it is that gets my guts so wrenched up that I can't even love anymore...


I have felt, and it felt real, and I can feel...


And as disturbed as this is, I don't care...


Hey.. love accepts all right...?



Love is nothing but a dream for many people, probably a dream for people who dislike themselves... such as I maybe...

Dreams come true, I've felt them... I've touched them...




Then my hour of weakness comes...

The dreams fade away into nothing but a void of nothingness and my soul is drained and is unable to love again, and as I start to wonder about myself myself with numb, meaningless words, the confidence is gone... The love is gone... For how can you be loved if you cannot love yourself...?


How the FUCK do you love yourself...?

How do you love yourself if it feels like you don't know anything about your misery?

How do you fix yourself if you don't know what has went wrong?

How can you catch your dream while your hope floats away so sweetly, teasing you with its beauty and reminding you of the unattainable dreams... due to the rootless misery that dwells in no place but your mind...

How can you love yourself if your own body seems to be disgusted by you and pushes you away for something you don't even know...?

How can you live in harmony...?

Maybe I know but don't know that it has affected me...



Another failure... another person to forget and forgive since you understand how they feel... another death that kills one of the few living beats inside of you...


And the misery seeps out of my skin and my fingers, and all I can do is let it scream with its gagged, bleeding mouth, hoping I would have some moments of peace afterwards...

And the peace comes, praying to have some more strength in it to survive...


And we lived never ever after...



To Rid the Disease, by Opeth

Lyrics (song is just below):

There's nobody here, there's nobody near
I try not to care, dead eyes always stare
Let these matters be, don't trust what you see
Take hold of your time, step into the line

There's innocence torn from its maker
And stillborn, the trust in you
This failure has made the creator
So would you tell him what to do

Leave your mark upon the head of someone
Who'll cry for his state, we know it's too late
I turn round to see what was meant to be
Faint movement release to rid the disease

There's innocence torn from its maker
And stillborn, the trust in you
(I have lost all trust I had in you)
This failure has made the creator
So would you tell him what to do
(I have lost all trust I had in you)



Sunday, September 13, 2009

I can't sleep

.. I went to bed around like 5; I thought well I should be sleepy now, might as well go sleep since I kinda have to wake up early the next day (2 hours from now... -.-)


I just kept twisting and turning over and over in bed, just flipping around like a fish out of the water, only difference is that I'm not a fucking fish, and I can breathe just fine.

So why the hell can't I sleep :(


I don't think anything was on my mind for the past 3 hours, I dunno if I was even thinking, I just flipped around the entire time!


5alas ya3ni mish haik -.-



I remember someone once told me that if you can't sleep, there are evil spirits in the room or whatever, but I don't buy it. I felt nice when I was in bed, but I just couldn't sleep. I closed my eyes tried not to think, but I didn't sleep.


Maybe I am thinking too much, coz at some point I thought meh I wanna text someone. But I figured everyone is asleep and wouldn't reply so fuck that. Though I did wish I had someone's number.




Ffffffftt.... I think I'm gonna post some pics from the pc...







































































Okay I'm done I think I'm gonna go try sleeping, again.


Oh and to everyone: I know it's not a deep post but I'm tired and bored here. And you probably won't get some of the jokes.


But meh.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Spoilt

Are we a spoilt society?

Well.


I whine about such dumb things, studying and all that stuff, guitar bla bla bla...



How DO we have songs to write about?

Almost anything we would write about would involve love and mental things probably.



I think that we are spoilt, but just coz we are doesn't make our problems less than others. In our perspective they're probably like bigger problems, coz our standards are high, in theirs, we're petty fucks.


Okay, so I think we need an open-minded society, and I think that if I grow my hair it would make people suck things up and give other some courage or whatever.


I dunno...


I dunno but this really got me thinking..

So do I have to go through hell to be whatever or to make a difference?


We all have our problems, let's put love aside and all that crap.


Sure your problems are more important on a global scale (poverty, abuse and such) but that does not mean that we can't express ourselves. Oh there are people with more problems than me, might as well just shut up and just be happy with what I have.



I dunno if anything makes sense or if you even get it like it's in my head right now.



I read a comment on youtube and it kinda just triggered all this stuff.

So coz someone braught me up well, I'm spoilt?

We have to suffer mshan walla abayyen zalameh or independent? Or so that my problems are more "worth writing"?

Do we have to be fucking beat down in order to have an excuse to have something?




Seriously that comment pissed me off.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Funny...

No matter how hurt or angry you are/were, there is always a special someone that just calms you down and gets some reason into your head.

Thinking becomes clear, and I dunno it just... things start to sink in... it just feels so... different.
It's so serene.
It's so zen, a quite underestimated word...


Well of course you keep yourself, but with that person you're just, much sweeter, lol...

Would it make things boring? I doubt it :\, it's nice to be special, but of course not like pushover treatment.



Okay I dunno what that was about but in the words of the Beatles "I feel fine"

:)




KTHXBAILOLZ

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Well...

I didn't wanna take away my last post's thunder but I just wanna post this...


A prayer to the Earth Mother...




May we all have passion forever in our lives, may it never die out;

May confusion stay away from us and leave us be;

May the evil of mankind live peacefully along the good;

May the view of love live humbly in my heart as I live through;

May I have your love in my heart to carry me through;

May your love purge me of my heart and brain diseases;

May I battle myself and others honestly rather than live in a quiet lie;

May our ethereal spirits forever be charged with inspiration and life;

May our arts, love, music be our weapons against the impurity within;

May we break out of our insecurities and doubts into freedom;

May my fear be nullified and my meart purified with the balance of good and evil, god and the devil, horror and sanctuary, earth and wind, water and fire, chastity and sultry.








I actually thought about not publishing this one, but meh. It just came out.

Lol'd

So I guess that bad mood thing involved the architecture crap it just depresses me sometimes. Meh.

I lol'd at this though:

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net




"None of them can stop the time"

-Bob Marley, "Redemption Song"



Hell yeah, they fucking can't stop the time!!

No matter what happens, I'm fucking alive!!


And we'll see what the future holds...

Change

It's never good if you feel helpless...

It's never good if you're recovering...

It's not always good when it catches you off-guard...

It's amazing when you suddenly wake up and realize you're in the middle of it, but not when you realize that you're still a helpless, paranoid, dumbass like before...

It's not good when you dunno what you're thinking...

It's painful when you want the change badly but for some reason you don't even know, you just feel worried about it...






It's hard to break people around you by wanting to make an independent choice that would shock them...


How can anyone control her/his paranoia?

What gives someone the guts to not listen to anyone else and just follow her/his gut feeling of just sacrificing certain things...?


Why is it that someone has to be dying, a child, or insane for people to let her/him do whatever they want?

Why is it that people value life too much such that they don't live it? Even if it's not their life, they talk about how to run it, as if it's so easy actually doing it...

I fucking despise human beings...


I feel down, it's probably gonna pass again in a while.


Bye

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Arab stoners... More like epic fail

So after a long time of just sitting there chatting with some people (shush), I finally realized what I wanna blog about xD


It's just another random idea as usual, but it actually made me laugh coz it really seems true for some reason.

After listening to that Mashrou3 Leila song on Shmal's latest post I thought, man this is such a chill song.



And thus, I think Arabs (if it weren't for politics and religions and wars and crap) would be stoners by nature.


I mean think of it, the majority LOVES to smoke anything. And if they weren't too uptight and stuff they would probably not focus on anyone else and they would be happy being whatever coz they would be stoners and they would be smoking stuff and just happy rather than angry.




Meh I dunno what I'm going at I have nothing to post. Ignore the last paragraph.


I dunno what to post about, guys!!!



I mean every idea I have in mind could each be summarized with one sentence:


1) Arabs should get stoned and do marijuana more so that they would stop being so fuckign violent and hateful.

2) I want a drumkit and I wanna drum.

3) I'm sorry I cursed at you, Maul, but I had no feel for playing today.

4) Cats are cute.

5) Dogs are awesome.

6) I think I'm gonna pull an all nighter today.

7) SHUSH.

8)
















9) We be Jammin'!

10) Bob Marley is awesome :)

11) How gay is a gay man if the gay man is as gay as the gay man's gay son and the grandfather's gay son?

12) Did you know that I'm pregnant?

13) Did you know that aks;jhdpa;sjhd;ajksdnas? And that it is scientifically proven?

14) I love vodka and alcohol, UP YOURS RAMADAN FAKERS!

15) This is one of the most pointless threads EVAR!

17) Politics suck.

18) I wish that my university had a band room with guitars and drum kits!

19) *secret wish*

20) I wish I didn't worry/tihnk too much.

21) Did you fucking know that scarface is fucking awesome?

22) Did you know that it feels good to have a pointless random thread every once in a while?

23) You don't hate my blog coz it's too random... right, my loyal followers?

24) I'm actually done but I wanna make it to 25.

25) There we go.

26) Nevermind, just remebmered something, see number 27.

27) I hope you feel better Chimmie Chong Chmal Chadi Chasshole.

28) Did you know that Bob Marley did in fact shoot the sheriff? However, Mr. Marley never shot the deputy.




>.>

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Scarface

Scarface is EPIC!!!!


FUCKING EPIC!!



He says fuck so fucking much it makes me wanan fuck fuck with a fucking fuck so I can fuck fuck fuckign fuck fuck fuc fcuk fuck fuck!


It has ideas, it has everything!

It's FUCKING amazing!




"The world is yours"


Man....



Just awesome... it's just awesome... I can't even blog it I just love the movie...

I never had a favourite movie, but this is my fucking favourite movie. EVER.



Amazing...

What a work of art...

Morning (long post)

Okay so when you read this post, listen to this song at the same time, it's pretty nice. And you can like imagine me reading the post to you :)





Well it's 7:03am at the beep.


*beep*



I can't sleep, I dunno why, I was just sleepy, and now the sun is coming up and all the cars are starting the ruckus of a new noisy, polluted day in Amman.

I couldn't help but think of that part of FFVIII when the main character is in a peaceful city called Fisherman's Horizon.

Amman is quite beautiful in its silence, quiet, not speaking of the horrors that occur within it's calm exterior. I was just thinking about how even though Amman was basically asleep, there are people out there in this quiet morning (not only in Amman) going through things; someone being hurt, someone working through hell hoping for better days, someone dying, someone being lonely, someone weeping, someone laughing, someone having sex, someone cheating on his wife, someone stabbing someone in the back, someone being born, someone getting married, someone battling for his life, someone fighting for her children... and so on...



The world is huge isn't it...?

Then out beyond our limited, atmospheric earth, lie millions of galaxies which probably have planets, one of which a planet that has water, (and thus) life.

I wonder if someone on that planet is human and can think...

I wonder if a person is thinking exactly as I am thinking (while gazing outside or at the stars), or maybe even blogging about it (if they have that technology or an equivalent of it) , or expressing his thought through whatever the future replacement of blogging is...

It's kinda amazing that it's unlikely that anyone in the world with access to internet is writing the exact same thing as I am at the exact same time. It really makes you feel like an individual with your thoughts, having your own individual moment.


I wonder if that same human (or living thing) mentioned is part of a race that has been through a bunch of similar history as ours... and survived it...

... Or like their race is already telling their kids about how the world was and how it is now...

... Or like they tell their kids stories about other planets and like they discovered us... heheh...


I wonder if anyone thinks the same way I do, it's partially why I created the blog (or certain posts in the blog).

I think it's cool that someone could be REALLY frustrated, and just type in some stuff on google coz she's/he's pissed and has nobody to talk to, and then realizes that someone did write the same thing, and to her/his surprise it's another person venting on a blog.


It's nice knowing you're not alone... I think it's a huge reason for why people hang on to god...


I dunno why but I don't feel alone right now, I mean sure I am blogging, but I dunno...

I mean apart from the song I'm listening to (the one in this post, which is really making me feel peaceful), I think it's coz I know that I have a family and my friends (bloggers, online friends, real life friends)...


I wonder if I'm gonna end up completely alone; doing nothing I like, being with someone I dislike just to keep me company...

I would definitely kill myself...



Who would wanna be alone really...?


No matter how greatly you believe in a god, it can't give you the love of another human... it's a wonderful feeling...



As much as having people who love you is a responsibility, it's also nice...

If I had no friends or family, I would travel to a pedestrian friendly area (whose people are open-minded) and draw my ass off and stuff like that...



I hate people... but some are great...

There are some people who kinda just... I dunno... they misunderstand a lot and stuff, it's quite annoying...


I hate people who see someone being cheerful and happy and completely free, and they just call him a kid or immature...


I hate women who are like that, too...


In the mainstream:

A man being sexy is a man who has a hot body and a dimwit, overly serious, tiny, mainstream, business, shallow, money-making brain...
A woman being sexy is a girl who is dumb, slutty, and skinny...




I think a girl is sexy when she is aware of her sexuality... no matter how immature she seems, she's not, she just doesn't feel the need to show it, doesn't feel the need to show people that stuff coz she's happy being herself, and she would be smart and not some dimwit who acts like ETV and Playboy chicks.

The same goes to a man... only instead of not needing to act "mainstream manly" and butch, he'd just be himself.

A lot of girls in Amman are just dimwits who act grown-up, "smart", and mainstreamly sexy but don't even realize what sex IS, nor do they realize why they act that way... many of them don't even act themselves...


... How do we know who we are..?


I think we just... be ourselves...

I think that when you're comfortable with who you are, you know who you are.
And when you're comfortable with who you are, you accept other people for who they are more easily...

Probably liking people would be a matter of who you are and stuff...

I think I'm quite a misunderstood person coz of the way I act.. I doubt anyone is understood enough to be known the way they really are...

Sadly our culture does demand a bunch of faces worn by a person, I guess...


Did anyone even get that..? Well it's what I think...




I'm gonna go try sleeping, it's 7:45 at the beep

*beep*

... and I dunno why the post took so long to type



I like getting comments on my posts, it feels nice, it feels like you're being appreciated.




I'm gonna go sleep, have a nice day :)

CLUSTERFUCK!!

5hadz says:
Jajaja.
That's a spanish laugh.
Farah says:
or a german nod of approval


Farah says:
i have strep throat
Sa3ed says:
blogged
i have a penis
5hadz says:
I have an iPhone.





ahahahaha I loaf you guys xDD

BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHGHHHHGHGHGH

BLAAGHGHGHGHGHGHGHGHABSDLKAJSDLKASD
ASD

A
SD
ASDAS
DAS
D
AS
D
AS
DA
SDA



BLAGH

Friday, September 4, 2009

Uplift

Well let's just say I feel quite refreshed today.


I gotta say thanks to a few people here (I'm guessing I should link to their blogs so as NOT TO GET SUED!), it was quite a push I needed...

Well their push and some Reggae lol.


Reggae is awesome, it can always cheer me up (kinda). Does anyone know of any good Reggae/Reggae rock bands? I imagine it would be a wonderful sound, I'm gonna go look it up on Grooveshark, which is a pretty cool/handy website btw.



Anyway seriously sometimes you just gotta man up and FUCK IT ALL!

And it takes a good bunch of poeple to fuck. xD


This is such a sweet song.

Trenchtown Rock, by Bob Marley & The Wailers





Anyway...

Special thanks to Zena (Zna, Zeina, Zouz), Shmal (Shadi, Chimmie Chong, Chasshole, Chmal), and mab3oos for being sweet and all.


Shmal is one of the few awesome people (yet quite naggy and sometimes scary with random death threats on facebook walls) you meet online. He's honest and a good friend when you need him, his blog sucks though and his guitar is a transvestite (I actually lol'd when I wrote that).

He has a bit of a bitchy problem, too (dare I say literally?). Good luck to him (GOOD LUCK TO YOU CHIMMIE!).
I know if it doesn't work out, it will the bitchy problem's loss (yeah I just insulted the problem xD, sorry Shadi, but you know that makes you laugh... just like going through stuff and rubbing your stuff on them [nothing creepy people don't worry]).


Zeina is a sweet, patriotic (minus the racist part involved in patriotism), honest, and awesome blogger I met a few days ago, she's sweet (and she's pretty cute!).


Mab3oos is behind one of the most intelligent, sarcastic, political, tongue-in-cheek, funniest blogs I have ever run into, which I guess reflects the blogger himself.





Oookkay now that all of you got your share of nice-ness, suck it up and save your sentiments for the next time I get whiny yes? :P

But thanks people..





Alright people, I'm gonna go play DotA I'm bored.
PS Farah ya 5ariyeh if you read this go post something and stop being a poop.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Road to nowhere

Well...


There it is, the streak is over, the downfall takes over...

Apart from this fucking annoying laptop I'm using since I forgot my laptop at a friend's, I feel fucking pointless.


I'm studying architecture, with hopes of being an artist (in whatever way I can be) after I finish studying... I wanna start a band... I wanna create... I wanna change the fucking world and have people say my name while being greatful for what I did.


I wanna be a legend.


I feel I have the potential for being a legend, I feel it, I don't care waht you think.



But who the fuck am I kidding.


The world is a piece of shit and I'll be lucky if I end up as anything.




I hate myself more than anything right now, and I know that it is me I should blame, not people, not anyone at all, just me; for being the way I am and knowing what I should do but not doing it.


I'm taking all the fucking blame, I'm going on a road which I dunno feeling like a freebird and hoping to be something I will never be.


And so the spirit is destroyed, the "fate" is accepted, the round is up, the truth kicks in, the cynics win, the negative energy consumes me, and I am left with nothing but hopes of being something that i can't be...

Everything and everyone changes and im not changing into anything. just confused, lost, broken, fucked, screwed, dreaming.




you know what fuck you

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Some sketches

Excuse the quality, the pictures were taken using my phone.
They're kinda unclear, but the phone camera sucks... Oh and I don't feel like taking enough pics until it's clear enough).



Okay here's the flag I was designing, not done yet, still needs more life and there are some missing elements. It's FAAARRR from being done





















Here's a sketch I made a few minutes ago.

Demonic riffs, a tribute to heavy metal, again very unclear but meh... later.





















Some old doodles I took pictures of...

































That's all, bai.