Sunday, November 29, 2009


Black by Pearl Jam

Live version (much better... much more expressive...)




Great song...

All I can say...


Lyrics are in the vid...


"Once divided, nothing left to subtract..."
-Nothingman, Pearl Jam

Saturday, November 28, 2009


Only in here. Only in this place do we have to label every vice a ‘disease.’ Only here are all our hobbies suspiciously probed until we can figure out a way to classify them as an ‘affliction.’ Are we so reluctant to admit to any sort of personal responsibility or decision making capability that they can’t even enjoy a glass a wine with dinner without wondering if they should seek treatment? The whole concept of functioning alcoholism is garbage. Functioning alcoholic equals not a alcoholic.

- Sourced

Could not agree more. So what if I have a vice, if you're doing okay, you ARE okay. No matter how much you drink, if it's not ruining your life, you're okay.
No matter how much you work, fuck, jack-off, watch porn, kiss ass, strip, sniff glue, vandalize... it's all good. Just don't screw your life over.

People comment on everything.

Also, I wanna try weed.

And you just lost the game.

Territorial Pissings

Oh fuck tagging I don't feel like it.

I'm a downer and yeahhh

Territorial Pissings by Nirvana


Come on people now smile on your brother everybody get together, try TO love one another right now

When I was an alien
Cultures weren't opinions

Gotta find a way ,find a way, when I'm there
Gotta find a way ,a better way, a better way

Never met a wise man
If so it's a woman

Gotta find a way , find a way, when I'm there
Gotta find a way ,a better way, a better way (x2)

Just because you're paranoid
Don’t mean they're not after you

Gotta find a way ,find a way, when I'm there
Gotta find a way ,a better way, a better way (x2)

Life is liiiifffeeee xD

Ignorance is bliss

... it is.

See post previous to this one.

Lies lies lies lies...

I dunno but I've been told.
People die and become cold.
I know it's real but I believe.
Death is not but a relief.

Mind is fighting my own heart.
We are mammals; just a part.
There ain't no head it's just we.
Wishing that there's humanity.

Well fuck me running!

Friday, November 27, 2009


(Please note that this post is unaffected by real-life events of the author)

What you can't have you will always want.

That's life.

And life ain't fair.

As long as Nature doesn't brood over the loss of Nature, there will always be slave and there will always be king.
- Gaahl

Gaahl you know the world better than anyone.

We are meant to be machines just like animals.
Maybe love doesn't exist, it is made.

Lust and love are usually confused together, then you can't have that which you lust over, so you want it more and call it love, coz it literally makes you feel something, probably coz you're horny and your human nature wants that someone.

... but is it true?

I don't know.

Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't.

However, I could swear I felt love and lust at the same time towards someone. I really did.

People are strange.
-Jimmy Morrison (Song: People are Strange)

Life is weird.

Love is like a clusterfuck of materialism, lust, and human desire.

Nobody knows what love is.

... and nobody ever will.

Just live.

Life is a lie.

Life is lie with an "f".

Life is a lie with a fuck.

Just like diet is "die" and "it" put together.

But I think it all depends on the person.

Funny humans; such gullable creatures.

I think that we love to imagine things to avoid depressing ourselves over the true nature of life.

Then you fall for the belief, and it feels amazing.

But is it real...?

I'm just gonna live and find out.

Awesome idea is that this blog will survive as long as I live, and we will witness the changes of how I think as I grow up and see the world.

Thursday, November 26, 2009


1) Life sucks.

2) People suck.

3) People are liars.

4) People say stuff just to get you to feel better when it's all full of crap, just like when you were a kid.

5) Eid sucks testicles.

6) I am really really fucking bored here.

7) My body is aching due to the fast walk thingy and I can barely move and I don't think I wanna do something today :\

8) Fuck you.

9) Fuck you.

10) What to do what to do...

11) Fuck you more.

12) I love sarcasm.

13) I love dark sarcasm that seems to be talking about normal stuff, when deep inside it's referring to a million stuff that would offend people.

14) I love alcohol.

15) I love smoking, but I might be quitting smoking sometime soon, but I would still smoke when I drink.

16) No idea if I should even keep smoking, I personally don't mind the side effects much.

17) I am in denial I think.

18) Things hit you when you remember how you were.

19) I love being immature, take it or leave it.

20) People (each and every one of them) are selfish.

21) It takes a REALLLLYYY long time to know people, no matter how much you knew them for.

22) I like boats.

23) Lots and lots of boats.

24) Ramble ramble ramble.

25) I love heavy metal.

26) I love being different.

27) I am proud of who I am, but it sucks how things can really be when you feel REALLLY good.

28) People are stronger on their own I believe, but they would have nothing to live for.

29) People are so full of shit you have no idea...

30) "Who wants to live forever" is an epic EPIC song by Queen.

Read those lyrics.

There's no time for us
There's no place for us
What is this thing that builds our dreams yet slips away
from us

Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever....?

There's no chance for us
It's all decided for us
This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us

Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever?

Who dares to love forever?
When love must die

But touch my tears with your lips
Touch my world with your fingertips
And we can have forever
And we can love forever
Forever is our today
Who wants to live forever
Who wants to live forever?
Forever is our today

Who waits forever anyway?

31) Enjoy number 30.

32) "Weakness" is also an awesome song, by Opeth. But I'll post it later.

33) I think I'm gonna start promoting my blog, seriously it sucks talking to YOURSELF THE ENTIRE TIME!

34) Communication in one direction sucks.

35) How much does a boat cost...?

36) So much to say so much time to say it, go figure, ran out of stuff to say just now.


Looks like my blog is gonna be spamming with posts this holiday, let's say things take turns when you least expect them.

I just hate eid, I don't like going to see my fucking aunt -.-

Oh and most probably when we go visit her this time one cousin of mine is gonna be there with whom we had a bit of a problem a while back.

Don't you just love family?

Isn't it ironic how people are half the time better when you stay away from them? Go figure. Hell even me probably.

But the reason I'm saying that is coz the whole cousin problem started this ONE TIME I agreed to have quality time with that cousin. Well then things happened.

Another eid thought for you cunts, Muslims sacrifice sheep, which supposedly Stanists do. Now what does that say?

Btw Satanism apparently doesn't have anything to do with slaughtering animals as sacrifice, but of course there are always extremists. Go figure.

Well have a joyfully boring eid everyone, get stuffed with bad food and cheap chocolate and that coffee stuff.

Enjoy the slaughter :D

Fast walk

Hey fast walk I'm happy for you and I'mma let you finish, but jesus walks was the best walk of all time. OF ALL TIME!!



Fast walk is such epic win, it makes your muscles hurt.

Didn't think it would be so awesome, and it's well-organized and stuff.

However, Farah and Abidal ended up having a fight coz of Abidal having to pee lol, so we ended up being late after Abidal stormed out of the car and stuff hahaha. My god you guys -.-

But yeah we got there a bit late and started walking thinking about how we're gonna catch up with them, and we eventually did.

It's an awesome experience I think I'm going to become a regular for it.

Oh and one thing, don't EVER wear converse shoes to walk! EVAR!!!!

I felt blisters half the time while walking, but that's what made the whole walk more pleasurable. Bearing the pain, and seeing how strong you are while walking. Not letting the pain stop you, and controlling how you walk so that you wouldn't get a stiff muscle >.>

I was quite proud of myself as a smoker, since I was able to keep up and stay close to the front of the fast walkers; even though I was out of shape and was scared of getting a stiff calf muscle since it happened before... a lot >.> ...

And it was amazing, and my body is in pain and I'm damn happy about it.

And I'm still smoking healthy BITCHES!!


That is all for now.

Il mafrood breakfast with Chimmie and Farah and stuff, but nobody called back -.-

I'm gonna go nag.

Bye non-existant readers! Pye!

Monday, November 23, 2009

I don't know me.

This is a bit of a typical childish poem, but I think I'm finding a keyhole.

When you don't know who you are...
People are further than far,
The lower you go, the lower you fall.

When you don't know who you are...
Words fail to amuse
Nothing sums up abuse.

When you don't know who you are...
Abuse is meaningless,
You believe you've done something that you haven't experienced.

When you don't know who you are...
You are your own violator,
And cries for help are kept for later.

When you don't know who you are...
You're missing things you've missed,
The joy of others gets you pissed.

When you don't know who you are...
You don't need drugs to be paranoid,
Humans look like Blastoise.

When you don't know who you are...
Comfort is a state of mind,
And your heart's perception is blind.

When you don't know who you are...
People get disgusted,
And they ignore you if you're busted.

When you don't know who you are...
You have to fight your own battles,
Because you had no time for rattles.

When you don't know who you are...
Admitting it is hard,
And you're the only one who's far.

When you don't know who you are...
Feelings are unattatched,
And you hurt a perfect match.

When you don't know who you are...
You're all on your own since nobody understands you,
And you don't understand either, so you can't talk, too.

When you don't know who you are...
Lies are in each corner for you to join and die,
Nobody can help you but you, no matter how much they try.

When you don't know who you are...
Wings are broken,
And angels lack emotion.

When you don't know who you are...
A heart with broken wings, in a nest,
It cries from afar, unable to rest.

When you don't know who you are...
Blame is a Russian roulette,
With 6 bullets loaded, and all is dead.

When you don't know who you are...
Feelings are unexplained,
Love remains detained.

When you don't know who you are...
You scream for attention,
But you're in detention.

When you don't know who you are...
You walk alone,
Nothing but a dead drone.

When you don't know who you are...
You're inable to get help,
A psycho for all, you're alone in hell.

When you don't know who you are...
You are a creep,
And all you can do is weep.


It's time for me to start to help myself find who I am.

I have nobody to drag down with me, I have no reason to hold back, yet I don't know where to start.

All Apologies to whom it may concern.

I think that I love alcohol because it started making me someone I like, because I don't know who I am, and I'm convinced it's me.

But how do I know it is?

I think I have bipolar disorder because I still don't know who I am, so many things seem out of character.

How do I find you...?
How am I gonna find me...?

Honesty is a trait... that's a start...

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Since I've Been Loving You


Led Zeppelin.... :)

Led Zeppelin's Since I've Been Loving You

One of the most touching songs ever :)

Lyrics (video is further below):

Working from seven to eleven every night,
It really makes life a drag, I don't think that's right.
I've really, really been the best of fools, I did what I could.
'Cause I love you, baby, How I love you, darling, How I love you, baby,
How I love you, girl, little girl.
But baby, Since I've Been Loving You. I'm about to lose my worried mind, oh, yeah.

Everybody trying to tell me that you didn't mean me no good.
I've been trying, Lord, let me tell you, Let me tell you I really did the best I could.
I've been working from seven to eleven every night, I said It kinda makes my life a drag.
Lord, that ain't right...
Since I've Been Loving You, I'm about to lose my worried mind.

Said I've been crying, my tears they fell like rain,
Don't you hear, Don't you hear them falling,
Don't you hear, Don't you hear them falling.

Do you remember mama, when I knocked upon your door?
I said you had the nerve to tell me you didn't want me no more, yeah
I open my front door, hear my back door slam,
You must have one of them new fangled back door man.

I've been working from seven, seven, seven, to eleven every night, It kinda makes my life a drag...
Baby, Since I've Been Loving You, I'm about to lose, I'm about lose to my worried mind.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Positive Vibrations

Hahah I mean what would you expect from a religion that considers smoking weed as a good thing? POSITIVE FUCKING VIBRATIONS!

It's a good day for uplift, baby!

This is for a good friend and a closer friend (rawr :P)

Chimmie I'm really happy for you two, man! SAKRA TODAY! :P Lofe you cuntface

Zena, don't let the stress bring you down! You have friends and blogger friends and more :P, nobody is gonna be a Smith nor lose anything.

This is to lift and to celebrate.

Positive FUCKING vibrations!

Ahhh reggae... :)

RIP Bob Marley

The lyrics are in the vid BY THE VAY!

So I'm gonna start classifying and tagging my posts, from this day forward.

Bye :)

Wednesday, November 18, 2009


Well I haven't blogged normally for a while >.>



I think we have such a bad idea about communism, for the reason of governments usually being drunk with power or something (well it's that way for me), but in a way it's pretty fair.

Then again I'm not quite fond of politics and the company it keeps. I mean she's a nice lady and all but meh.

I dunno much about politics, and I don't take sides. But I think communism has something about it that unites the people and creates pride in the big picture. I dislike how it rids people of individuality though.

I mean people should be proud of who they are before being part of the country; communism tends to be something that just unites people and denies them of being humans. Then again the humanity would probably come in on the deep level of comrade-to-comrade interaction... I think.

Yeah yeah it's all based on thought, but come on you guys.

I don't get much comments I miss anon comments, they're fun.

I'm gonna go take a little walk on the blogosphere now. Bai.

Oh and this is just something I wrote while some old lady called "Rebecka " (I think it's Al-Salti but I have no idea) was talking and telling us stories in the Social Enterpreneurship lecture.

So I thought I'd just share it.

Reject the shallow communism in the kingdom

Reject the dishonesty and confusion in the people

Reject the layers of lies and the media brainwash

Reject the cover of freedom under a man's tyranny

Won't play solo; what you don't give, I'll take

It's not fair to us people corrupting ourselves with hate

I am the country, and the bliss in lies is through

The more you spoil me the less I'd need to fight for you

Your ally is my friend too, his pretty words won't fool me

I'm in pain and I know what I need; tyranny, taste my brutality

Monday, November 16, 2009

Heh heh...

Yup it's final...

I'm an attention whore :D

This is another stunt, ignore.

No word seems to be able to express what I feel right now.

None of my words are expressing me.

Am I sad...? I don't even know...

Worried...? Maybe... why...? No fucking idea, maybe I want some attention coz I'm a spoilt self-destructive brat.

Am I self-destructive...? I don't even know... maybe it's just an idea that got stuck in my head due to people talking and things that I read.

Am I paranoid...? I don't think so, but something bring negative thoughts to my head.

Am I okay...? I think I am.

Do I understand myself right now...? Not a bit...

Am I missing something...? Yes maybe that's what it is... something is missing and I dunno what it is.... maybe it's an overreaction... typical stuff...? Right? Maybe...

Do I feel weak? Very... Is it making me worry...? Yes... But I just have to let it out... and no matter how much I let it out it doesn't seem to be expressed... so I dunno what it is that I'm unable to express...

Am I thinking...? nope not at all... I guess this is feeling numb... yet there is this thing that I'm feeling which I don't even know... I think it's really common in our generation...

Am I scared of being weak...? Yes... I wanna be strong for the people around me... They have enough to bear without me...

What the FUCK is it that I'm feeling...? what the fuck do I need...?

God help me please... I'm on my knees and my eyes are tearing up for a reason that I don't fucking know....

Do I need help...? No coz I think it's fine... another phase meant to pass sooner or later...

Am I worried about its repercussions...? Yes... I feel like I'm pushing you away... it's likme I'm pushing away because I wanna be strong... yet it's like I still want some attention even if I reject it...

Maybe I need attention... Hell, yeah probably I do... but who can afford to give attention to someone who will only bring you down... over and over... this is the last time the last time the last time that I'll be like this.. the phase passes and I feel better... then again it happens and I feel like I'm that little kid banging his head against the ground coz his mom is leaving the house... so yeah I am spoilt with attention...

Can it change...? SHOULD it change? should I change...? I'm what the world made me... a result of a society seen cruel only coz I'm spoilt...

God help me...

Was I being me...? Yes...

Which me...? Not a clue...

Everyone can love... no matter how they feel... heroes loved in their time of weakness... yet I feel selfish...

I can't help because I would feel hypocritical... yet I can help coz I know what to do... but not with myself...

Am I still what I am to you...? Probably maybe...

Possibly hopefully...

Willfully freely...

Yes maybe...



Uh-huh... hahah... sure...


Aww you shouldn't have......

Well you did and I love it...

Why thank you..

At least I'm not part of a matrix... I'm me right...?

...... right...?

... Just breathe... it'll pass...

bear with me...? if you want...

come as you are...

I am.....

Well that's sweet thank you...

Heh... yeah...

Well yeah I might as well allow comments coz I'm a whore...

whore whore whore...

Aaaand silence...

And my mind just proves me right

Not surprised...

And I get angry at the world and everything around me...

The wrath building... the pain fuelling it...

The better I see the worse I am...

... no fucking words...

Not for a friend, not for a lover, and none for myself...

Drain me and rise above me... it's what it's all about...


Of course repetition makes it weaker...
yeah you're used to this... it doesn't mean it's nothing...

Just like palestine... oh they've been dying for a fuck-long time, what else is new...?
And it's my fucklong... you wanna thrive you gotta leave it all...

bones... bones...

bones bones...

just being me.... right...?

drain me...
thanks for asking...

Funny that when we treat people better nobody is aware of the whole "I wanna be treated that way and they're gonna be treated that way too..."

I sense things coming... and my mind is out of control and I'm going insane... and I'm losing my mind and it's nothing new let's not mind and let's just butt-fuck a head and screw on a cow's heart over the grave of leech-infested and rotten land...

clap clap clap clap clap...

Do you not see underneath my words...?


Please feel free to drop some critical comments... brutally honest stuff...

Wednesday, November 11, 2009


Metal is a saviour for me, and has freed my mind back when I thought I knew who I am. It gave me strength.

It is the reject's music; it's the music for the person who sits in the corner due to being different from the rest of the world, and being rejected; it's the private intimate connection between a person and his instincts; it is a method of coping with pain and a voice of hope and freedom, pushing you to push forward and survive.

It's not elite, it's intimate.

The expression of rebellion and of deep feelings.
Be it the angry feelings, psychotic feelings, fucked up urges, confusion, hate, love...

I was the loser and I am a loser, and that is part of who I am now, I might be able to play along more, but I am also able to be honest when I have to.

I am proud of who I became.
I am proud of the influence heavy metal had on me.

It is for the Silhouette
It is for the reject
It is for the truth of pain
It is for the depth of feeling
It is for the ache of oblivion
It is for the heart of complex emotions
It is for the expressions of misery, chaos, peace, hate, and love intertwined
It is for the outspoken
It is the soundtrack of revolution and life
It is the balancing force
It is what pays your attention to the emotions stirring within when the world tells you to ignore them
It is the intimacy

This weekend I am hopefully going to see Anathema in concert in Lebanon, I don't care if I'm going alone, I will not miss this opportunity.

Fuck the negative energy, you won't bring me down.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


This inspired by Zena's post...

I hope you can keep up, it's a bit messy

You know I think this year is slightly a past-resolutional year, I think some spirits were brought back yet many were crushed.

Maybe there isn't enough energy for all of us.
Our world is a strange place.

Many people's lack of necessities and insecurity have lead them to lose the feeling of enjoying, since the main focus is to survive.

It's really quite sad.

During my work on design, I have relived having a family, just by being my usual dorky self and making fun of the people with me and them just laughing about it rather than taking it too seriously and stuff.

It's fun to be disgusting.

It's fun to play with your food, I think that's why mansaf tastes better when you eat with your hands.

It's fun to enjoy stuff... no?

I have been revisiting an area pretty close to where I grew up (Jabal Amman) and pretty similar to it, also (where I lived wasn't in great condition, but I don't remebmer having much problems myself). It really made me remember what having a family was.

A family member is anyone who allows you to be yourself, be annoying, and who lets you annoy them and all that. You can be quiet with them and just listen to music, you can hang out with them.

Though most of the world is becoming as shallow as skyscrapers, and that such feats are seen as development, I think that a well-off, open-minded, intelligent country with spirit is a successful and developed country.

We all have to work, maybe we ARE schizophrenics since sometimes you just shut yourself up to work and become a different person...
... but no matter how much I work, I always have friends to be with, there's a person I adore, a person to remind me of who I was, a person to remind me of what I should do, a person to remind me of the kid that I am.
A whole bunch of people.

That's family, all of it.

There really are good people out there sometimes.

A circle of friends could be a family.
A country could be a family.
People with similar activities.

Each group kinda provides you to have your freedom in that certain angle... and people from each group gather up to form a family and stuff kinda.

Although we all just grow up and start working and worrying, friends still have a huge value. People keeping people alive... that's the beauty of it.

Hopefully people will become more accepting at some point...

No matter how old I grow, I will always see myself as the kid who played on his father's drums and on the streets, who imagined things, who sketched Sonic and videogame characters, and who hadn't lost anything nor anyone.

I am keeping my inner-child alive...

Just yesterday while working with my design group I went out of the no smoking area and just sat with a random person on a table and told him that I'm gonna sit with him and smoke a cigarette.

We talked for a while, I finished my cigarette, asked what his name was (and I forgot it :\), told him mine, then walked away.

Just today an old person came to me and two other people walking with me and told us that he found a leaf that cleaned his palm; he rubbed his palm with it and showed it to us, and it actually cleaned the palm of his hand hahah.

It was fascinating, sure at some point I thought he was stoned, but it was nice to experience such a surreal unusual activity. It's like the man was a kid playing in the grass and showing his parents. It was amazing now that I think about it, I was confused at that time when he approached us.

I don't know why I mentioned these two stories, but they're pretty interesting :)

This is what happens when you feel happy with yourself and confident I think.

A glint in one's eyes.

Something happens and sparks you up and you just feel so fucking energized and you just get inspired...

I dunno what's happening :\ but I don't mind it...

Maybe it's due to reconnecting with Jabal Amman once again.

The ancestor, the origin, the mother of Amman.

I gotta say she has such a powerful effect... an amazing, powerful effect...

Saturday, November 7, 2009

Beautiful Fucking Boats