Wednesday, December 30, 2009

You can't bring me down

Even if you fucking betray me.


Fuck you.
'nuff said

KTHXBAI

Monday, December 28, 2009

Ghaza, honestly?

As sad as I feel when I consider what has happened to them last year, and as pissed of I am at the Zionist movement, I think it is a load of crap that people care.

If you care do something.


And this is my share.



It's a load of shit.

"aww you gaiz gazza is so screwed im so sadz bawzzz"
"totally, all those people dying"
"i saw one picking his nose"
"ewwwwwwwwww"
"lets follow fashion and not do anethn"
"eww who picks there no'z"
"no idia ugh"




Full of crap.


Nobody cares anymore.

Let's give a fuck, fuckers.



You don't give a fuck.
Truth is that half of humans don't care about much other than themselves.
Also, Jordanians are only worrying about themselves, and Ghaza is nothing but a subject to talk about while fighting the fight.

Half the people here are occupied by their own well-being since they're REALLY ACTUALLY screwed.
The others just don't give a fuck because they actually are okay and don't care.



What WOULD they do?

What CAN they do anyway?


It's a load of crap.


Hell nobody even cares to read the boring stuff about Palestine right?


Let's give a damn and at least do our part. That's what I think.

I mean we all say we're touched and then not do anything about it (I meant to exaggerate).

Seems like the only way that people would care about doing anything about it is if it had subliminal sexual images involved in it, or if it was fashionable.

Maybe it's the bigger political plan.

Like anyone gives a fuck. As long as they're okay, they don't care.

The vanity of humans.
Fuck you.


Have a nice day.


"zomg im so tuchd rllyyyyy"
"yaaaa me tuuu"
"awwwzzz oh well let's be mainstream and be cool and thnk abt sex"
"yaa totally, it sells and we're brainwashed by it, lets notz care"
"IZ LOVEZ tht!"
"ahaahaaa"
"eww"
"ewww"
"kewllll"
"woooz ahaha!"
"yalla nwalle3 ishya wo nitfa7lan?"

Saturday, December 26, 2009

My 300th post

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHA


Lol Shadi Shadi xD


In other news...

Okay so New Year's is close right? RIGHT!

Forget that resolution thing, I don't do that stuff.

But here's the stuff!


1)
I love myself, I miss the pissed-off-at-the-world-and-every-living-and-loving-thing me. It's just something the world has to see. To understand myself, I had to see myself in love and then compare that to "me". I guess the anger and weird horribly gory imagery in me is part of who I am, and it's just something people have to accept if they know me. I am almost depressed at times, completely hyper at other times, vandilzing at others, angry at other times, pissed at everything, out of my own control in other times, crazy in times, completely anti-social in other times, fucked up and a tad psyhotic in other times.
It's who I am I guess. All of those.
Schizophrenia (however the hell you spell that) has got nothing on who I am.


2)
I have design to do.

3)
Some good friends of mine are back from abroad, and my mind still somehow finds itself busy with certain stuff and distractions.

4)
I am who I am.

5)
I LOVE random things happening! Today some people came up to me and Shadi and asked "can I touch your hair" hahahaahah
Well go fucking figure, they got to touch "the hair" and it was a bunch of random friends we got to meet.
I love rainbow street.

6)
I love life sometimes.

over 9000)
I hate life sometimes.

8)
I love me sometimes.

9)
I hate me sometimes.

10)
I realized, that if anyone is to accept me, they have to see the dorky, fucked up, anti-dance, anti-common-life, anti-humanity side of me. And if I have to lie in order to satisfy someone who I love, then I have given up on the dream of "love" and I shall live in seclusion to the end of my life in order to change the world and screw humanity over to show them what they are missing.

11)
Merry FUCKING Christmas.

12)






















13)
Hopefully all goes well in the future.






Good night, whoever reads my blog.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

"Cheers to the nights we won't remember and the friends we won't forget"


:)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

This blog is clearly dead

but I don't give a unicorn's cock.


Good song...

My Immortal, by Evanescence




The lyrics are in the video discription.

Inconsistency is a trait of this blog, isn't it?

Well well well...

Firstly,

Cyanide and Happiness, a daily webcomic
Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net


xD


Secondly,

I'm up working and I got a concept and I'm about to get a form and it's kicking ass and I analyzed and I think it's gonna go well but I'm still scared shitless (well not shitless, it might go well coz I'm awesome), and I'm proud of myself and I am working like a coke-pumped hooker all night long!

HOWEVER!

No history midterm take-home paper

BUT WHY SAED? WHY YOU BASTARD?! SHAME ON YOU!! SHHAAAMMMEE-A!!!
(though shame on you bloggers, been a while since a good post came around, from my part and yours)

Anyway...

I'LL TELL YOU WHY!!

Coz I have to design and the professor can go suck a carrot! I'm gonna miss class and hope for the best, coz I'm screwed anyway. Better to miss class and get a good design grade.

Hopefully I'll still pass history III .... >.>



Okay I'm really just gonna go work.

Bai "bloggers"

YES I USED QUOTATIONS COZ YOU ALL SUCK!


Y'ALL SUCK!!

Monday, December 14, 2009

Wiskey pwns Vodka

It just does lulz :D

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Remedy Lane

Pain of Salvation is one THE BEST bands ever.

So much depth, so much truth, such variety!


So Remedy Lane is an album by them, it's amazing, and if you look at the lyrics it really shows a lot of depth. Everything just lies chronologically and tells a story in this album.

So this is an instrumental track. No lyrics, but this is the idea behind it.

Amazing, powerful album.

EVERY SINGLE FUCKING PART OF IT.


10. Dryad Of The Woods

"Then came a girl
A dryad of the woods
with a sing over her door saying
"If you enter
You must forgive me everything!"
With a heart too big and brave
To let me dissapear
And still I hear
"May I sleep at your feet?"
And so she went over my fence
And reached out a hand
That I had to take
That I just had to take

...love
never let me
lose that love
never let me
lose that love
never let me
lose that love
never...

Sometimes, forgiving will
just take you one step too far
and you find yourself on Remedy Lane

Sometimes forgiving is too much
like self abuse

Sometimes forgiving leaves
too much sear tissue behind

Even if I could one day learn
to forgive you everything
Could I learn to forgive myself?

probably
I simply
didn't
understand
the full
notion of
the world
forgive"



Thursday, December 10, 2009

Oh Godess...

I love myself, oh Earth Mother...
I know myself...


They don't know me...

They don't understand...

I thought someone did... but, Mother, I guess we all just wait to be accepted...

We are all just hypocrites... and nobody heeds the dying voices of life... of love... of children...






Still it remains, Mother....


My words are not heeded....

My signs are ignored because I, myself, do not choose to directly deal with it... due to the fear of loss...


I can't do it.... I can't....


Why does it feel like everything is collapsing....

Oh mother show me the truth... Light my path...

Guide me... please...

I can't help but feel helpless at this point... once again... after a day of refraining from being a complete ruin of human remains... once again I die...

A million deaths...

Oh mother a million deaths... each more painful than the previous... again and again...

Help me... I'm on my knees... begging to be let back into the ignorant heaven I once belonged to...

Begging to have one pure image of something... rather than complete chaos and disbelief in everything...

And my cries are ignored... my plea is ignored...

People who don't care are who I need...

Nothing pure remains... nothing... my art is tainted with the pain inside me... and I cannot lie anymore hoping that people don't see me as pathetic anymore...

I can't lie... I can't say that I don't care...

Oh Mother please save me... heal me... please...

Please...!

And the world looks down at me for my honesty...

Honesty is a virtue since nobody is honest anymore...


You want me to go I'll go.... but for the love of the Earth and Heavens... Let me breathe...

Why am I dying, Mother...
Thy earth would sink in my tears...
Thy heart would suffocate in my blood...
Thy caves would collapse due to my scream's pain...
Thy children would die feeling what I feel...

I am numb with pain... begging that she'd let me go, Mother...

Not a whisper from her mouth, Mother...
Not a word of relief... be it the word in harshness of truth or the soothing love of hearts...

And my words are nothing but insane rambles to a human so taken by humanity...

Why am I so hurt...
Why am I still so unable to express...
Why do my questions end with dots rather than question marks...
Why does my heart pump into anything but my own veins...
Why does my heart beat so quickly with my mind ignoring ideas of everything, Mother...


Tell me...

Let me breathe... Please be honest to me, Mother...
You are the only honest one...

A child in my heart, I am... and all I feel is pain...

A child still shocked by the most cruel of worlds, Mother...

My heart is still not fluorished... why do they use it, Mother...

Why do they teach us to be something that only weakens us, Mother...

Why did I believe in another being when I believed in none but you, Mother...
I believe it was my being desperate for acceptance...

And I left you behind, Mother...

Just when they left me behind... I realized how I left you behind... ignoring what you gave me...
Like a one-man show of human evolution of thought...

In one day, Mother, I have experienced the pain and pleasure of living...

Oh Mother, it is excruciating...

All that I have, Mother...



They don't understand, Mother...

The brutal truth has taken brutal form... and the brutal form has taken brutal vengeance upon me...

Is it the truth, Mother...
Is this the truth...

Are all my beliefs to be flushed away...?

I will not be taken by them, Mother...

I am a servant of you... and let them all be the bastards that they are...

Let them all kick me only when I am down...

They all just kick you when you are down...

All of them...

Every single one...

In a shallow heaven in your depths, Mother, they are... They make it and spit on us all...

Who do they think they are...

Why am I so hurt...

They drain me, Mother...

Recklessly... brutally...

As soon as I give, they take my soul, Mother...

Beliefs are nothing... and it looks like we all have to follow another non-giver cunt of a god in order to survive...

Looks like I will not survive but rather die with you...

And one day I will get strong again, on my feet, after my agony of awakening from my wonderful sleep...
And they will return begging at my feet...

I will kick them in the teeth, watch them bleed and watch them die... I will take balance into my own hands... My own fists...

Their drainage will not go unpunished, Mother...



And they will only focus on the person saying the message, rather than looking at the actual message...

And I will be called a crazy person... and they will fear me rather than hear my words...

It has happened...

And it will happen again...



They will always misunderstand me...
And never will they hear my words unless I am supported by their shallow materialism, Mother...

Sweet dreams...




Have some mercy... Set me free and be honest...

Why can't we just talk straight to eachother's faces, fellow humans...?


As soon as one negativity is shown, they focus on it... Rather than listen...

Rather than look at the wonder that was able to actually survive...


I have experienced captivity, crime, death, revival in my life from the sanctuary of my own home and country...


Why do they choose to see the negatives, Mother...



Why...

Why...

I ask the entire world why, indirectly and directly, to be let down by many ways...

Not a single answer...

Only the sound of myself being ignored and trying to be nice enough to not kill their joy in feeling better than me...



They aren't...

They'll see...


Save me...


And instead of emotions they see insanity...


Emotions are nothing but ill-logic and miscalculations... And everything that involves reality is real rather than metaphorical...


Heal me...

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Heartless...




I did NOT expect this... ever.


It's just such an amazing cover, such an amazing version.

Great lyrics...

Just brought tears to my eyes.




Lyrics:

In the night I hear 'em talk, the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul
To a woman so heartless
How could you be so heartless?
How could you be so heartless?

How could you be so cold?
As the winter wind when it breeze yo
Just remember that you talkin' to me though
You need to watch the way you talkin' to me though

I mean after all the things that we've been through
I mean after all the things we got into
Hey yo, I know of some things that you ain't told me
Hey yo, I did some things but that's the old me

And now you wanna get me back and you gon' show me
So you walk around like you don't know me
You got a new friend, well I got homies
But in the end it's still so lonely

In the night I hear 'em talk, the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul
To a woman so heartless
How could you be so heartless?
How could you be so heartless?

How could be so Dr. Evil?
You're bringin' out a side of me that I don't know
I decided we wasn't goin' speak so
Why we up 3 a.m. on the phone?

Why does she be so mad at me for?
Homie, I don't know, she's hot and cold
I won't stop, won't mess my groove up
'Cause I already know how this thing go

You run and tell your friends that you're leavin' me
They say that they don't see what you see in me
You wait a couple months then you gon' see
You'll never find nobody better than me

In the night I hear 'em talk, the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul
To a woman so heartless
How could you be so heartless?
How could you be so heartless?

Talkin', talkin', talkin' talk
Baby let's just knock it off
They don't know what we been through
They don't know 'bout me and you

So I got somethin' new to see
And you just gon' keep hatin' me
And we just gon' be enemies

I know you can't believe
I could just leave it wrong
And you can't make it right
I'm gon' take off tonight
Into the night

In the night I hear 'em talk, the coldest story ever told
Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul
To a woman so heartless
How could you be so heartless?
How could you be so heartless?






... Yeah...

Worth the pain, isn't it...?

It is for me. Some songs just do that...

I still want it all... every part of it...

EDIT: (No pun intended on last line)

ENTER WITH CAUTION

If you're reading this know that you are a human.

You can think of this as an abstract piece of art.

Let's in-fucking-spire!





*breaks things and breaks out of the human shell killing the human within*

I don't wanna grow up.



FUCK YESH!

You wanna go? GO 3a aiiiiriiiii :D


confusion confusion

*things breaking*

*guitar shredding and wailing*






Is it just me but do people suck cock lately? I mean I know it's a fad and all the kool kats are doing it but lawd whai?


DON'T LIKE IT FUCK OFF AND FUCK YOURSELVES PEOPLE! HARD-FUCKING-CORE EH?!

FACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF FACK OFFFACK OFF



JUST COZ IM DRUNK DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING AND THAT I WOULD BE FULL OF FUCKING SHIT!


MY GOD YOU SICK FUCKING HUMANS


The moment you know when someone is faking or lying, you know them

I DON'T FUCKING KNOW YOU CUNTS, FUCK OFF!

GOD DAMMIT JUST WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT!!!

WHAT!

I'M SCREAMING IN WORDS KEEPING MY SELF-CONTROL/DISCIPLINE INTACT

Why do we all want lies...?


Coz lies are human, and lies are what everything is, lies lies lies, we want all that shit and crap.


FUCK THE FUCK OFF


FICKITY FUCKITY FOOCK


SCARED? GO AWAY THEN FISH 7ADA JABER RAB 5AWATKOM 3A ISHI!




You know it makes you feel special when nobody comments, coz now you know that nobody thinks like you.


All fucking humans are the same.

Exactly the same.

You fucking puppets.


Do I depress you? FUCK YOU, TOO!


SHOVE A TABLE UP YOUR ASS AND WISH IT WAS SHARP ENOUGH TO NOT TEAR YOU UP!


Don't act like you're not used to this.

FUCK YOU



ALL OF A FUCKING SUDDEN IT'S LIKE OOH NO ALL IS GOOD WHILE YOU COMMUNICATE THAT NOTHING IS WELL.



nothing comes out of nowhere, there's a root for all crappy songs you talk about.


I am sick and fucking tired.









Things have never been so swell, I have never failed to feel.


You know, you're right!



READ THE GOD DAMN LYRICS!!

STOP FUCKING LYING STOP IT!!


This is a free zone, let's see you take it normally and talk.

LET'S FUCKING SEE THINGS!




People are fascinated and "in love" with misfigured figures, then they get close and feel and scupper away.
People get close and fail to see art rather than reality.

Enjoy my art

Humans, humans...

I'm not negative you're just FUCKING FUCK!



Let's all suck things up like we're meant to do...



Let's just do that...

Just do that...

Do that...

That...

...


Yeah......


You know you're right...
You want that to be true...? So it is...
Looked for it and found it...

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Don't feel like sleeping

Yeah I just don't feel like sleeping.

Well I have design to do, and oh a test to study for.

But my design work is incomplete I've just been procrastinating and not feeling like working, man. -.-


GOD procrastination is such a fucked up habit. Waking up at 8 tomorrow probably, it's 2:33am... oh nevermind... 2:34 at the beep.

*Beep*

Imti7aan ta3rees history of architecture with the lazy (yet kinda good) teacher, and design concept tasleem bokra.

Design concept: kinda complete.

History exam: didn't study anything min il 3aj2a and design :\

After tomorrow, (Monday) I have a speech for English (good thing I actually wrote it already, man I would have never written a thing), and a German presentation (with the teacher being a pain in the ass due to him wanting us to be more organized and give handouts and stuff like that)

Fuck that, thinking of telling the German teacher to just bite me, I don't want the damn 10 marks, I haven't slept well in a while.



I feel too distracted.

I have been posting too much lately, batfashhash I think lol

Meh fucking crap I'm so beat yet I don't feel like sleeping. It fucking sucks how ALL OF A FUCKING SUDDEN IT'S GANG-RAPE STUDENTS TIME!!!

My GOD just 2 weeks you get fucked, then the other time you're okay.


OH OH!! I KNOW! LET'S MAKE AN "I MISS" LIST!!
for the lulz


I miss working in a group :\ it kinda motivated me to study more.

I miss having nothing on my mind.

I miss sleeping soooo fucking much right now.

I miss listening to music and doing nothing else.

I miss enjoying being on vacation rather than feeling bored and pointless.
Funny how when you procrastinate, it doesn't feel like you're not doing anything, it's like an actual chore or something.

I miss getting shitfaced drunk, not throwing up, having a kick-ass time, and laughing my tears out.

I miss playing Sonic the Hedgehog as a kid.

I miss playing with a dog.

I miss not knowing anything.

I miss the fucked up weird baths my grandma used to give me with that very ROUGH loofa that would make your skin go red.

I miss enjoying giving anyone for no reason, rather than being spiteful.

I miss drinking with my friends.

I miss winning in DotA.

I miss enjoying Disney movies.

I miss not thinking too much about everything.

I miss enjoying things.

I miss having relatives.

I miss the 3aj2a of a family.

I miss when my family used to be close to us rather than being cunts.

I miss giving a fuck about my relatives.

I miss not giving a fuck about anyone at all.

I miss playing drums real bad.

I miss being a good student.

I miss being one of the best.

I miss getting excited about football (as in soccer).

I miss getting excited about the american football back in school when some guy used to get it.

I miss not stressing over everything.

I miss letting things go.

I miss not getting disturbed by simple things.

I miss not knowing anything about Freud's ideas.

I miss knowing exactly what I believe in.

I miss pure creativity and art (I'm so glad I have you Maul).

I miss crying.

I miss taking a stand.

I miss living for the day.

I miss not knowing what growing up is.

Oh wow I really miss sleep.

Also water... brb...

back :D




I saw Abidal's niece today! :D

She smiled! It's so fucking cute! She's less than a week old I think :)

Supposedly babies like some people's voices and are bothered by others' :D

Hahah...

Babies are so cute xD

I think babies bring joy because they're still not tainted by anything. And you rarely find that.


I miss drinking with Eemad xD

I miss drinking with Chim

I miss drinking with a bunch of people I'm really comfortable with who I know accept me.

I miss hating the world enough such that I was myself fully, and didn't care about anyone.

Maybe there's this duality:
You either love yourself enough to not care, or you hate the world enough to not care.

I love myself.

... but something is missing :\


I am not complete.

I like having random conversations with complete strangers. Man Gloria Jean's really allows for that. Half the people there are like architects or something.




YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I MISS? COMMENTS!! Yil3an abul yahood (zOMG Yahoo is actually Yahood, it's a conspiracy)

I miss laughing at my own jokes.

I miss making good jokes.



I miss my written words coming out of my mouth.

Meh meh meh...




Good night, mortals.

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Guillov

My heart is beating ferociously...
My hands quivering in anticipation...
Vengeance rumbles in my blood...
The anger begins to rage...
No bargaining for the abusive...
A tool lays swiftly in my hands, embedded in the shivers within...
My hands caress the body...
My fingers caress the steel...
My body pulls it closer, reeling in for the kill...
I tease it, feeling its moans, letting my hands get a feel...
I grip its neck violently; not to kill but to heal...
My hand strokes its own finger, connecting itself with the skin...
I strum the body gently, caressing its voice...
Bending its skin gently and harshly, and shredding, and pinching...
Making it scream and squeal...
I lay my head back and enjoy the sound of my agony ripping out...
Turning things up, it gets louder, letting out the smoke within...
Like a chimney screaming the stench it holds, I scream out the pain that dwells...
Softening up sounds as I hold the root...
Staring into blankness ahead...
I hold it tight and put my finger down, letting myself hold still...
Exhausted and wrenched, spit out and drenched, the air is thick with "why..."
I let out my soul and unlock myself, your voice rips through those ears of mine...
My drums vibrate, and no words can dictate, the pain let out in blues...
I have succumbed to ideas of a fool, oh, the lies I see in the words...
Like death on a spree, and madmen set free, you have unleashed my disease...
Truth in a cage, broken by hope, the feelings still caress me...
I talk through them sometimes, but they're nothing but limes on a wound...
A mask is put on, and so is a smile, I guess I'll just play along...
Mark my words, I will return, my memory shall not deceive...
Rambles and rambles, keeping up is the key, the truth is down on its knees...














I have written this to be open for interpretation. I hope to see what you think this is talking about. Let's see some comments, eh?

Have a good day :)

Friday, December 4, 2009

Hope

Clicky.

From the article:

A Long Island deli owner who held a robber at gunpoint, then let him go after giving him $40 and a loaf of bread, says he got an anonymous letter from the crook that included a $50 bill and a thank-you for saving him from a life of crime.

The mysterious writer apologized to his would-be victim, Mohammad Sohail, saying, "First of all I would like to say I am sorry at the time I had [no] money no food on the table no job and nothing for my family."

Similar to comments he made on his knees during the incident last May, he said he realized that trying to rob the store with a baseball bat "was wrong but I had [no] choice. I needed to feed my family."



Truely amazing :)

Glad to see some people still have religion as a religion and not a political mannerless thing that kills people.

This is how I remember religion.
I still would rather not be involved in any, but religious people like that are what keeps a good image of all religions.

I have hope in human beings once more. This really made my day. :)


Have a good day.

Time: The Beginning

Una vez fuiste mis amigo
Ahora se que no puedo atar tus manos






Good song, excuse the drama.

For fuck's sake....

My head just might explode...


My god SHUT UP, LADY!!!

Ugs are ugly

Ugs as in "uglies"

Ugs as in "UGH, what the fuck IS that thing!?!?!?!!?"



Now fuck off!! I don't wanna listen to a crappy song about a party, I wanna listen to some nice soft song that doesn't involve sex appeal, love, nor any other fucked up thingy.


OH and listening to a part of a song, then rewinding, and hearing it again, thne waiting for it to go further, then rewinding the song fro mthe beginning DOES NOT MAKE PEOPLE LOVE THE SONG

God-rape-it just shut the damn annoying song off! B3ARD IL NAWARR!~!!!


This is like fucking brainwash. You like it, I don't. Let's find a compromise (how comprimise? 3a teezi).


I hate music that sounds like that, I don't feel like listening to it, and I said so, so have a bit of some fucking consideration!



Now let me enjoy my night.