Friday, February 26, 2010

Some doodles




... some doodled thingy

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Women :)

Women are godesses...

It's just that nobody understands.

I just heard a story. Sorry readers: no details, nothing...

I dunno if I'm talking to myself...
I don't even know what I want to say...

I just want to say that I love you, and that I'm sorry.
Yet at this point I don't know anything anymore...
And I don't know anymore...

I'm sucking up every problem I had growing up, and I will suck up anything...

Maybe it's too late now and you won't understand...
But it's not like anything changed...
Maybe there's a problem in me... well there probably is...

I blame me, too.
I'm sorry I let you slip through, I'm sorry I did nothing.

Truth is, I don't know what to do.

I guess many things broke me, and it just... yeah...

I guess I let it get to you.

I love you.

Have a wonderful, peaceful life; with someone who would bottle himself up more than me, someone who would be more supportive than me...
I guess I thought I'm supportive, but maybe, maybe... I have my own problems...

It's not you, it's me.
Please forgive me...

... Sweetheart.
The end.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

It's been a while...

Well hello, blog.

So in the past few days I have gone back to not giving a crap about anyone but my family and friends.

I have discovered the materialistic truth about life. I honestly don't know why the hell this hit me all of a sudden, I guess I actually had hope in human beings, hell I still do, but not personally.

I still believe Jordan can be fixed, I still believe that a degree of love exists between humans, but nothing on a 1-1 level, if you know what I mean.

Am I ranting already...? Meh I guess I really don't give a flying fuck anymore...

My dreams have returned, my gritting teeth pain, my hollow heart... Then again I gotta say I'm really too young to die... Mainstream-wise... Ironic eh? The thing I despise is giving me an unclear light of hope to tell me I'm still alive.

In a way or another, everyone is nothing but involved in himself... People call me introverted sometimes and judge because I don't show my feelings, then again, it's actually them not showing anything; it is actually them who are not giving, but rather giving to themselves.

It's amazing, it really seems like we are nothing but animals wishing to keep our genes living.

Love doesn't exist, it's something to make people get married and wanna fuck, to carry the seed forward.

I have not seen a single person who is happily married.

Love is dead. Especially in our time... Love doesn't exist...

Everyone is self-involved.
Everyone is only fighting to live.

People are not developing, we're becoming nothing but emotionless animals.

Animals have feelings...
Then again, they have simple needs, not money.

We all want money.

Money, money, money.

All the problems of the entire world are based entirely on money.

Stress is caused by money, one way or another.
Death is caused by money.
People die for money.
People lose themselves for money.

All those previous dreams of a simple life for myself are coming back...

I don't want money, I would love to just travel the world with nothing but a few things for myself, something to live by, and nothing else.

Just travel.

Our world is way too materialistic today.

We got brainwashed into believing in things (as kids) which don't even exist anymore.

People don't dare anything anymore... And yeah I'm not being a hypocrite, I also don't dare anything.

Why is it that way?

For fuck's sake... seriously everything in our world is so screwed...

You get raised as something and then you just... have to change along with the world...

Funny I read a little interview with a bunch of kids. And I guess they're doing a good job raising the new generation so far; they are more materialistic; materialistic enough to make it in the world I guess.


What is this world coming to.

We all just wanna be happy and live like everything is okay, yet we were denied happiness by reality, since it is now a scientific thing rather than an emotion.

Everything is waves, atoms and stuff orbitting around other stuff.

Yeah yeah it's science.

Don't get me wrong, now.

I hate science, but I also hate god.

I'm not a godhead, not an atheist...

I like to believe that I am a spiritual person in touch with the giving Earth Mother...
Yet even that is naive.

Life is very weird.

Meh I guess all I can do is be myself. See what happens.

The last thing I believe in lately is love. It's a load of shit.

A piece of honest Art is worth more.

Everyone cheats on everyone (even in Jordan). And it's all okay now... It's normal.

We're all dead before the life is lost.
Just animals producing their offsprings, not caring for them, and they all end up a bunch of fuck-ups that other people end up having to try and repair.

Now fuck off.

Thursday, February 18, 2010


There is no truth,
there is no match,
there is no blame,
there is no god,
there is no heart,
there is no other,
there is no head,
there is no message,
there is no demand,
there is no excuse;
everything is what you want it to be.

No truth? Then you'll never know.

I wonder if you fucking listen nor care.

Still trying to fucking block me out...

Have it your way

Saturday, February 13, 2010

TRUE Punk Rock

This is what got me into rock and metal alongside the early System of a Down music I listened to with my cousin as a kid.

Got to discovering (and finding them again now) them through Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2.


Each song has a deeper meaning than the other. Fucking beautiful music, back when punk rock didn't have crappy bands claiming that they are "punk"; long before punk was nothing but a soulless fashion.

I think we need a new revolution; a new renaissance; a new way of thinking (especially in Jordan). People are stressed and are getting raped every single day, people don't get enough money, and money is the means of survival in our time; how could the people NOT resort to last resorts such as thievery and such? I mean it's only normal when they have no means to live, and thus retreat to the bestial instinct of fighting for survival.

Politicians take and take and give nothing back, and I believe it is time for the people to take back what is theirs. We get shut up by governments and people who are already comfrotable in their rich thrones, and we get brainwashed by the disfigured face of "God" in order to stay in order; in order to stay in the system and keep that pyramid upright; in order to keep playing the structures and not getting to fluorish.

I believe that our individuality can be celebrated wonderfully and flambuoyantly, and still, we would be able to maintain a good system as long as we don't get greedy by falling to others' stories. I believe we can give and take.

Jordan needs a revival, and the people need a slap in the face in order to wake up and see what's going on. People take stands when they see something they don't like, and we take stands for others' problems before we take a stand for our own problems. We stand divided and fall as one. We have problems sticking together and trusting our comrades in a protest. We all think of nothing but ourselves without considering our fellow countrymen.

Some people don't deserve us giving them since they fell victim to the politics, the bestial instinct that now helps them survive is their only means to stay alive (especially since a human has many needs unlike other mammals and animals); therefore, they steal from the people themselves rather than considering that the people themselves are struggling. We really need to reunite, stick together, and ask for what we want.

Maybe that's the NGO that we need, not something that promotes monetary income to the poor and "under-developed" locations, but we rather need an NGO that would pull us all together and make us stand tall as one. It is THEN when Jordan will change, and it is ONLY then when we will be able to respect eachother for what each of us is. And maybe then we will be able to ask the government for things, and then maybe we would understand the needs of others rather than the rich understanding their wants and the desperate understanding only their needs (since they were forced into it).

Here's some punk rock to inspire you. Yes, YOU.

May 16 by Lagwagon

No more waiting on them
as you rise inside new rooms
It's offical you've gone
you can live for no one else
Man the guilt must be huge
As there's no gain in failure you succeed at being mine
Yeah, old friend, see you there I will be proud from afar
I can paint a picture in a moment of memories and there aren't many left
I am extradited, uninvited

It's just another saturday

Take a step to freedom
You and her lothing this cruel world
Take a breath of shelter and exhale
Trust and allegiance
Liberate yourself from hell

It's just another saturday

You by Bad Religion

There's a place where everyone can be happy.
It's the most beautiful place in the whole fucking world.
It's made of candy canes and planes and bright red choo-choo trains,
And the meanest little boys and the most innocent little girls,
And you know I wish that I could got there.
It's a road that I have not found.
And I wish you the best of luck, dear.
Drop a card or letter to my side of town.
Because there's no time for fussing and fighting my friend,
But baby I'm amazed at the hate that you can send and

You... painted my entire world.
But I... don't have the turpentine to clean what you have soiled.
And I won't forget it.

There's a place where everyone can be right,
Even though you remain determined to be opposed.
Admittance requires no qualifications:
It's where everyone has been and where everybody goes.
So please try not to be impatient,
For we all hate standing in line.
And when the farm is good and bought, you'll be there without a thought,
And eternity, my friend, is a long fucking time.
Because there's no time for fussing and fighting my friend,
But baby I'm amazed at the hate that you can send and

You... painted my entire world.
But I... don't have the turpentine to clean what you have soiled.
And I won't forget it.

Five Lessons Learned by Swingin' Utters

Five lovely lessons learned today
Coating my throat with the dust of a new day
As the saints pray their lonely way
And their deadweight lays the passion to waste

Maybe if I sew my heart on my sleeve
They'll drop the bomb on me and I'll wake up
I can only fix so much in my sleep
I can only drink so much from this empty cup

I know I must not think bad thoughts
I'm always beaten to the punch
I'm holding aces high and low
And in between I'm trying to break my fall

Give me a piece of what you've got
I'll make it new with much less thought
it's symbolic and full of trash
Lofty endearments whispered under your breath

Five lessons remembered from yesterday
Easing my mind and seizing each new day
Beyond and back I'm still the same
Kicked over some old trash but I still waste

No Cigar by Millencolin

Tell us where you're from,
what you want to become.
And we'll say if you're OK.
Where did you go to school?
Right answer and you're cool.
Yeah, you're the kid the whole day.

You get a sticker in your face.
Information about the case,
so you know your potential.
Don't you think you can extend.
Don't you think you can extend, just comprehend.
But I don't wanna hear it,
no, it's more than I accept.

I don't care where I belong no more.
What we share or not I will ignore.

We will shut you out.
We'll put you in doubt.
If you think that you're special.
We'll tell you who you are.
Tell you that you're close but no cigar.
But I don't wanna hear it,
no, it's more than I accept.

'Cause I don't care where I belong no more.
What we share or not I will ignore.
And I won't waste my time fitting in.
'Cause I don't think contrast is a sin.

What they say is...
Go back, where you came from.
They'll tell you that, but I don't wanna hear.
No I don't wanna hear. No I don't wanna hear it.
No, it's more than I accept.

'Cause I don't care where I belong no more.
What we share or not I will ignore.
And I won't waste my time fitting in.
'Cause I don't think contrast is a sin.
No it's not a sin

Guerilla Radio by Rage Against The Machine

Transmission third world war third round
A decade of the weapon of sound above ground
No shelter if you're lookin' for shade
I lick shots at the brutal charade
As the polls close like a casket
On truth devoured
A Silent play in the shadow of power
A spectacle monopolized
The camera's eyes on choice disguised
Was it cast for the mass who burn and toil?
Or for the vultures who thirst for blood and oil?
Yes a spectacle monopolized
They hold the reins and stole your eyes
Or the fistagons
The bullets and bombs
Who stuff the banks
Who staff the party ranks
More for Gore or the son of a drug lord
None of the above fuck it cut the cord

Lights out
Guerrilla Radio
Turn that shit up

Lights out
Guerrilla Radio
Turn that shit up

Lights out
Guerrilla Radio
Turn that shit up

Lights out
Guerrilla Radio

Contact I highjacked the frequencies
Blockin' the beltway
Move on D.C.
Way past the days of Bombin' M.C.'s
Sound off Mumia guan be free
Who gottem yo check the federal file
All you pen devils know the trial was vile
An army of pigs try to silence my style
Off 'em all out that box
It's my radio dial

Lights out
Guerrilla Radio
Turn that shit up

Lights out
Guerrilla Radio
Turn that shit up

Lights out
Guerrilla Radio
Turn that shit up

Lights out
Guerrilla Radio
Turn that shit up

It has to start somewhere It has to start sometime
What better place than here, what better time than now?

All hell can't stop us now
All hell can't stop us now
All hell can't stop us now
All hell can't stop us now
All hell can't stop us now
All hell can't stop us now

:) you...

Sex Superheroes!

Original article.

Lol well isn't that just original.

So I'm guessing the villain would be... oh wait... there's the villain; some dude with penises as hands xD

Each character will have to fight the game’s penis-armed super villain, the Sperminator by correctly answering a number of questions.

If they get an answer wrong, they’ll get shot by sperm.

If a question is answered correctly, the character will be able to block the sperm with a condom

"If they get an answer wrong, they'll get shot by sperm."

xDD I bet some people would like that.

Anyway it's funny, I thought I'd share.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Dear Bill Gates,

Kos o5tak 3a o5t windows update ya ibn il sharmoota.

Yours sincerely,

Saed Tillawi

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

5-crossed eyes

Stronger, back on my feet, well-equipped with cynical critical thinking, and empowered. I have my backup, I have my support, I have my heart, and my spirit.

No more me, just more humanity and underlying messages that mock enemies of the blog indirectly from here forward. But I know I'm not dead when I tear up at the sound of a good solo and Fairuz's angelic vocals. I will get into the system and destroy it from within.

Don't Follow

Amazing song...

Hey, I ain't never coming home
Hey, I'll just wander my own road
Hey, I can't meet you here tomorrow, no
Say goodbye, don't follow; misery so hollow

Hey you, you're livin' life full throttle
Hey you, pass me down that bottle, yeah
Hey you, you can't shake me round now
I get so lost and don't know how
And it hurts to care, I'm going down

Forgot my woman, lost my friends
Things I'd done and where I've been
Sleep in sweat the mirror's cold
See my face it's growin' old
Scared to death no reason why
Do whatever to get me by
Think about the things I've said
Read the page it's cold and dead

And take me home
Yeah, take me home
Oh, oh, take me home
Take me home, yeah
Take me home

Say goodbye don't follow

I can't change it, and your mind is made up, do what you wish, I was drawn in and let out all of a sudden, can you imagine why I suddenly clung on?

Oh and your smooth-talking friend? He can go fuck himself, you're mislead by whatever crap I very much almost 100% know that he is saying. But since you're stuck with him due to me, not much of a choice you have there but stick to the bullshit.

Oh and your mind? It screwed you over.

And I don't care about what I seem right now, and this blog will change however I fucking feel, and if you don't wanna read, don't; don't wanna comment, 3a airi, I don't need anyone... I don't give a flying beetle's vag.

But I give a fuck about you, fucking ironic.

Can't blame me for not wanting something, and I don't blame.

I don't mind as long as you're okay.

Tell yourself what you want to make it seem like I'm the shithead, lie to yourself if it'll make you feel better. I won't. And I never did.

Use me a little then drain my life all of a sudden because suddenly you were on top. I remember a day when I was on top and even considered ignoring you and not caring, but I gave and loved; unlike who you've become.

This is not aimed at anyone, if it feels aimed at you, then you know what you've done.

But what do I know? I'm just a weak channel for words and sadness right?

What? I'm talking about humanity in general and theconceptual thinking of misenpulization and takeovers in the economy

Is that not clear? o.O



Monday, February 8, 2010

Sunday, February 7, 2010


Well the guitar sounds like a good piece of work now :)

Composed a new piece already, I wanna post it but I have no idea how, if anyone knows, please do share.

I think I should make a vid on movie maker and add it?

But yeah it was a tad inspired by Feiruz's Ya Raitak Hown (I think that's the song's correct name).

3 design stuff this semester, I'm epically fucked. But meh. Minshoof.

Sweet dreams

... Speaking of dreams, I saw a friend with green jello on their hands, what does that mean?
And what does it mean when you see children playing SNES (Super Nintendo Entertainment System) in your dream?
Well I can't remember what else I saw, but it was quite the clusterfuck.

Yalla jadd sweet dreams halla2.


I got to reconnect with Feiruz today...

Amazing music, amazing voice...

Raitak Hown is an amazing song by her...

Thank you...

I can only say that I wish all were different...
I only hope that I can sing in your head again...

I wish to sing out of joy rather than release again...

Your voice tears into my heart and makes it swell with tears which speak of the harsh reality that broke my dream...

They say love is unreal...
I told myself the same to try and forget...
What greater romance is there when the world hates...?
What greated death can I have when you, also, build gates...?

I am clinging on to my last breath...
I wish I can still be weak for you...
I still can...
Help me breathe...

I can take my weight and everything...

Oh I miss you so...
My strength is in hate, I can't but try and resort to anything...
I miss you...
I can't move...


My tears they flow...
Everything is you...
When will my pain disappear...
Unhealthy... I know...
But by god I miss you...

So I must hate to live... unless you let me live in your silk arms and rugged humor...

Let the future bring it all together...

Why do I feel so paranoid as if the entire universe is against what I want...?
I want you...

Let me be...

A curse... The most wonderful curse...

I feel pathetic... I can't be free...

Let me in....


Friday, February 5, 2010


Yeah go figure, ME ranting? Wow that's new

Well, things, I just felt like fucking letting stuff out.

This holiday sucks harder than a vaccum cleaner craving coke.

I need to get my sleeping schedule back in order... seriously...

I wanna wake up early and sleep normally again, I seriously miss seeing some light while being awake.
I haven't drank an adequate (don't feel like spell checking) amount of water for a long long time.
I haven't had a meaningful experience for a while now.
I haven't had a good, fun tip (from the adjective of tipsy) for a while.
My high e-string snapped yesterday.
I haven't had an AWESOME FUN TIME in a long time.
I haven't felt like fapping for a while now.
I haven't felt for a while now.
I haven't fucking ashdjkashdlaivmuhDLsdjad.
I haven't given a fuck for a while now.
I am more edgy than EVER and everything seems to be getting on my nerves.
I haven't been me for a long time now.
I haven't given for a while.
I haven't given myself for a while.
I'm considering shaving my head or doing dreadlocks.
I haven't gone out in a while, everything is boring and having a good time is expensive.
I haven't been connected with anything for a while now.
I do not feel any sense of accomplishment.
I am really pissed at the entire fucking world right now.
I hate everything and every single person right now.
I feel guilt.
I feel shame.
I feel anger.
I feel lame.
I feel boredom.

I swear by the earth that boredom is the root of all evil.

I am losing it.

I am losing everything I can fucking feel the passion seeping out. I can feel myself be drained.
I can feel myself pushing everything away and not giving a fuck.

I am disconnected from everyone and everything, especially myself.

I feel like a nuisance.

I feel like a silhouette.

I feel like dead hope.

I feel like a shredded rope.

I feel like a shit-stained ass.

I can't stop thinking about nothing and I can't do anything about my thoughts.

I can't sleep well.

Maybe it's coz I need to get my sleep schedule and my water intake in order.
I feel drained and hateful.
A very negative, uncaring, lazy, dead, pissed, evil, bored, horrible creep.


"If 'if's and 'but's were candy and nuts, everyday would be christmas"
Cool quote.

Hmm I wonder how Mousy is I haven't spoken to her in a while.

Sweet thing happened lately, 3aliana, dumdum, and rumrum got me an iron maiden shirt from italy :) what a sweet bunch.

Goodness... What a fucking shame...

What a waste...
What a cause...
What a pain...
What a creep...

I'm gonna try dedicating myself to spending a lot less time online.


Monday, February 1, 2010

Bunch of abstract stuff

Just a few old pictures that I found, I either took these after I had just got home drunk, or while I was waiting at the university.
Edited them through contrast and that Windows Photo Gallery thingy.

Hope to hear what you think.

I thought this one was pretty deep and powerful.

Oh and this is just a sketch I found of King Arthas from Warcraft III :)